15 - Answers

Q: Bill Jeffers - Black and Navy-still fashion faux pas or the new thing?
A: Didn't you used to work at Tuxedo Junction? Doesn't that make you more qualified to answer this question than me? I'm sorry, I'm answering your question with another question. That's not very useful of me.

I'm really not all that current on the latest in men's fashion (pants are still in, right?), but my impression is that black and navy together is just not right. Now, I'm not talking about wearing black pants and navy socks, or navy pants and black shoes. That's okay. But wearing black pants and a navy blazer is just wrong. I don't care if it's "the new thing" or not. It looks ugly. Is it a "faux pas"? Yes, I would say so.

Q: Joe Zaffarano - If a safe is unlocked, is it still a safe?
A: A safe can be basically defined as a container with a lock. This definition does not get into the state of the lock, merely that the lock exists. Therefore, the fact that a safe is unlocked does not make it not a safe. It is merely a state of the safe. So the answer to the question is yes, an unlocked safe is still a safe.

Q: Kevin Graves - Should I try learning a new musical instrument, or just stick to the drums?
A: Congratulations, Kevin. You win the award for best question this week. Let me first spin the story of the question (and please correct me if I get anything wrong). This question comes from a Pep Band Road trip to RPI. I think this was my Junior year, which would make it during Kevin's tenure as a graduate student. We were short a drummer for the trip, and so Kevin was lending a hand on the quads. He played some cheers and a couple of songs on the quads, and then switched back to his regular instrument (trumpet). After playing one song, a kid came up to Kevin and said in a serious and deadpan voice, "You should stick with the drums." The entire band was in stitches over this, and it became a running joke for months to come.

As far as your question, you should definitely stick with the drums. You already knew quite a bit about drumming when we played together in Pep Band, and rather than learning a totally new instrument, you should focus your energies on improving your drumming skills. And while you're at it, teach your son too :). The world can always use more drummers.

14 - Answers

Q: Bill Jeffers - Who is next to get married? Translation: Which pussy will finally pony up and by the gad domned ring?
A: Silly answer: I am, because I caught the garter at the Stoffel wedding. As is the young woman who was unfortunate enough catch the bouquet and have the honor of my placing said garter on her leg.

Serious answer: For the first time in "Ask Mitssob" history, I'm going to refuse to answer a question. Allow me to explain why.

The decision to marry is a personal and private decision. As such, I am uncomfortable in making any predictions about it. The unmarried couples that I know undoubtedly have reasons why they haven't married, and it is not my place to speculate as to what they are. We've all been in relationships, and (I presume) that at least some of these haven't worked out. It's possible that these relationships will end prior to marriage, while others will see through to the event. But I'm not going to guess. It's not my place.

I realize that I sound as though I might be offended by the question. I'm not. I am choosing to respect my friends' privacy. And no, Bill, I'm not implying that you're being disrespectful. Not at all. My view is that if a couple decides to marry, then I will wish them the best of luck, and will provide my love and assistance to them whenever called upon. But I simply won't speculate as to which couples are destined to marry and which aren't.

Q: Brett Gobe - Was that a thinly vailed hint to Mit Ssob? Will Tim answer that question?
A: Being somewhat paranoid (as well as narcissistic), I'm going to assume that this question was directed at me. And as I said above, I'm not going to answer this question. Sorry, folks. I hope you understand.

13 - Answers

Q: Brett Gobe - Klondike Bars and milk? That's alot of dairy.
A: Yeah, I realized that after I posted the answer. Good thing I’m not lactose intolerant.

Q: Adam Barnello - What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?
A: This question comes from the song of the same name. The song is originally titled Sailor’s Holiday, and it’s a traditional “sea shanty”, or work song. The song begins:

What do you do with a drunken sailor (x3)
Early in the morning!

There are many verses which can be sung following this same style. Here are just a few that I find rather funny:

- Put him in the long boat till he's sober,
- Shave his belly with a rusty razor.
- Put him in bed with the captain's daughter.
- Rub him really smooth until he guffaws
- Threaten him with sharks til his’s sober

What would I do with a drunken sailor early in the morning? That would depend on the situation. If I were aboard a ship with said drunken sailor, I might join him. It would also depends on what the drunken sailor is doing. If he’s just sitting around being drunk, I wouldn’t have much of a problem with that. If he’s being belligerent and annoying, I’d probably do something about it. Like kick his ass or something.

I guess in the end my final answer is that I would interview him. Since he was drunk it would make the interview funny, and since he's a sailor he's undoubtedly done some traveling and seen some interesting things.

Q: Bill Jeffers - When will California fall into the ocean?
A: According to the atrocious NBC made-for-TV miniseries "10.5" it’s already happened. In reality, it'll happen many thousands of years from now. Though to be totally accurate California won't "fall into the ocean", but rather break off and become an island. So the answer to your literal question is "never".

Q: Karyn Graves - Will a 2.5 yr old enjoy a trip to DisneyWorld? Will he remember any of it?
A: I would say that your son would definitely enjoy a trip to Disney World. The sights, the sounds, the sheer "Disney Experience" all add up to a great time for kids of all ages (man, I sound like a commercial here). I think he's on the young end of the scale, but there's still plenty there to entertain him (and you and Kevin too).

As far as remembering anything about it, I have to say that I doubt it. As part of my research I asked Allison this question, and she told me that she went to Disney World when she was 3.5. She has only vague memories of the trip, and those are mostly of a side trip that her family took to Cape Canaveral. On my end, I went to Disney Land when I was about 5 years old. I remember bits and pieces of the experience, such as the flight over and going on various rides. Judging from this rather limited sample, I'd say that he might remember things like seeing his favorite Disney character walking around, or possibly a parade, but as far as life-long memories go that's probably unlikely. Let me know how it turns out!

Q: Brad Pettengill - How much halloween candy can I eat without getting sick
A: Two pounds. Not more. Any more than that and you’ll risk all sorts of unpleasantness for anyone who happens to be around you. I'm talking gastric difficulties on an epic scale. Mark my words!

12 - Answer(s)

Q: Brett Gobe - How do you measure yourself against other golfers?
A: Chevy Chase would answer this question with, "By height." I am a much more infrequent golfer than he (I've played three times in the past four years), but I'll give the same answer since it gives me a greater chance of victory than if I played golf straight-up against other golfers.

Q: Bill Jeffers - Will the Yankees ever win it all again?
A: My initial answer is "I hope not." As a fan of the Boston Red Sox since childhood, I have a nearly genetic predisposition to hating the NY Yankees. Therefore I hope that their six-year trend of failure in the postseason continues into the next century. But even I must admit that yes they will win it all again. I personally think that it'll take another two or three years of failure before they accept the fact that trying to buy the best players and placing them on the field together does NOT a team make. Of course, they could always purchase every other team in major league baseball and win by default, but that's pushing even my Yankee-hating boundaries.

Q: Eric Carney - You have Box and you have Wine. Two of my most favorite things united in what can only be described as a monumental achievement of the late 20th century. There's no question here I justed wanted to say I love Boxed Wine.
A: That was Eric Carney, former Pep Band President. He was damned glad to meet you.

Q: Adam Barnello - What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
A: First, I would get up from the comfortable couch on which I am typing these words. I would then put on my coat, leave my apartment, get into my car and drive to Wegmans. Once at Wegmans I would find the frozen dessert section and get a package of Klondike bars. I would then exchange cash for said Klondike bars at a checkout register and leave the store. I would then have the Klondike bars, and could do with them whatever I wished. Fling them at passing motorists, rub them in my hair, or even consume them with a nice glass of milk. Whatever came into my head.

Q (repeat): Nicole Maloney - What kind of music was played at weddings before the 70's came along?
A: I asked around about this question, and everyone I asked had pretty much the same two answers as me: either the popular music of the day, or the music that the bride and groom request. This makes sense. The wedding reception will reflect the tastes of the bride and groom, and therefore the music played at the reception will mirror those tastes. All things being equal, popular music of the day is probably the most common music played at weddings in all times. Some couples may choose to have something different, such as a string quartet, a jazz band, or even a carribian steel band. It's really up to the bride and groom (which means the bride).

11 - Answer(s)

Q: Brett Gobe - Why do they rock so hard? Did I already ask this?
A: First, a quick parusal of the Ask Mitssob Archives shows me that you have not asked this question yet. Second, I think that "they rock so hard" because they feel that they must. Let me explain. "They" feel that the only way that they can express themselves is to "rock", and therefore in order to express themselves to the fullest they must rock "hard". Who are "they"? What does it mean to "rock"? What qualifies as "hard"? I don't have the answer to those questions. Perhaps next time I'll revisit this.

Q: Bill Jeffers - Why can't I get paid to be good at video games?
A: While it is possible to be paid to play video games, these jobs generally take the form of "game tester" or "game developer". The question you ask relates to the quality of your video game playing, and I'm here to report that you in fact can get paid to be good at video games. Granted, this payment does not take the form of a salary with benefits, but there are many competitions out there for gamers to compete in. These competitions have prizes that can go into the tens of thousands of dollars. You must be very good in order to compete, but if you are good enough, then you can indeed be "paid to be good at video games." Best of luck with that, Bill :)

Q: Sarah LaBombard - where are the best bagels?
A: The literal answer to your question is "where the best bagels are made." But since I know that this is what your question implied (and since if I don't answer this, you'll be mad at me), let me take a crack at it. First, I would say that the best bagels are generally accepted to be found in New York City. I did a quick search and found H&H Bagels, which is reported to have the best. I can't honestly judge this because I've never had their bagels, but I'll pass the link along.

For my money, the best bagels that I find locally are from Brueggers. Are they the "best"? Probably not, but they're my favorite. Please feel free to comment, Jolinko community, and help find the best bagels!

Q: Nicole Maloney - What kind of music was played at weddings before the 70's came along?
A: This question is going to be put off until next week, Nicole. I want to do some actual research on this question because I'm also curious about it. So tune in next week (and also feel free to submit other questions for me to ponder in the interim).

10 - Answer(s)

Q: Bill Jeffers - Will this be the year the Sabres bring home Lord Stanley's Cup?
A: Unfortunately, I don't know. More to the point, I won't even hazard a guess at this point in the season. The Sabres have definitely been improving over the past few years. They've got tgot some hot rookies (Jason Pommenville and Ryan Miller, both former Amerks), as well as a solid cast of verterans (Daniel Briere, Chris Drury, and Marty Biron). I think they can compete with the best of the NHL, but as we all know that's not necessarily enough. On a personal level, I certainly hope they win the cup. As a transplanted New Englander, my sports loyalties still lie in that region, but the one exception has been the Sabres (I was a Whalers fan before they moved, and don't really care for the Bruins). So go Sabres!

Q: Jennifer Walden - Why can I 'drop out' of school, but I have to 'quit' my job?
A: The first thing to do is get some definitions, courtesy of Dictionary.com. The definition of "quit" that fits best to your question is "To give up; relinquish." The definition of "drop out" that fits is "to stop attending school or college." So it seems that the initial answer to your question lies in the very difinitions of the words that are used.

But I find this an interesting question, so I'll dig a little deeper. I think that part of the difference in terminology comes from the difference between school and work. "School" is a voluntary activity in which an individual pays money to an organization, and in return the organization educates the individual. "Work" is a voluntary activity in which an organization pays money to an individual, and in return the individual gives worth to the organization.

I see the difference between the two in the expectations of the parties. In the case of work, you (the individual) have obligations to the organization. If you choose not to perform those obligations, then you have quit. The organization will stop paying you because you have stopped adding worth to the organization. In the case of school, you are obligated to pay and to learn. Should you choose to end, then you simply leave. The organization will not be paid, but they will also not be educating you.

I guess the real answer for me lies in another difference between school and work. School is not only an educational institution, but also a care-giving one. When you go to school as a child, then you are under their direct care. When you go to school in college, you often live on campus and are a part of the larger college community. When you choose to leave school prematurely, you are truly "dropping out" of the community. The same cannot be said of work. If you stop working, then you quit. There is a "dropping out", but it's not the same as school.

So those are my thoughts on that subject. I may come back to this question; it's more interesting than I expected. Thanks, Jen!

9 - Answer(s)

Q: Bill Jeffers - Why are boobs so attractive to men? (Well, and some women I suppose)
A: From theoretical physics to boobs in the span of two weeks. Bill, you're one of a kind.

In all seriousness, this is a very good question. Let me try a simple thought experiment first, then lay out some other related thoughts on this topic (I might have to come back to this one in the future; it's a good question). One primary goal that men have is to spread their genes in the gene pool. This is done by finding a woman (or many women) and mating with her so that she will produce his offspring. The first step that the man must take in this goal is to find a woman. Breasts are one of the distinguishing physical characteristics of women. Therefore, men will seek breasts in order to separate the women from the men. Therefore, men are attracted to breasts. Was that a silly thought experiment? Yes, but it's literally true, so it provides a little value to this discussion.

Something I saw on TV (the Discover Channel or TLC, I can't remember which) a few years ago provides more fodder for this question. The subject was why males are attracted to certain characteristics of females. I learned from this show that men in general are attracted to cleavage, and not necessarily breasts. They showed examples of cleavage in the knees, the butt, and the breasts in several females, and all three were remarkably similar. I found this rather interesting at the time, and still do, so I think part of the answer is that men are not necessarily attracted to breasts, but to cleavage in women.

Another reason that boobs are attractive to men is their role in childbearing. There is a theory in biology that suggests that men are attracted to women with large breasts because they (the men) view them (the breasts) as a sign that the woman is better able to provide for his offspring than women with smaller breasts. Is this true? I'm not sure. It's certainly logical, at least on a subconcious level.

I guess the answer to this question can be best summed up by Brett Gobe: "Because they're boobs". Truer words were never spoken.

Q: Brett Gobe - Why do I always lose socks in the laundry?
A: One answer is that the socks are getting left behind in either the washing machine or the dryer. I've noticed that my socks tend to stick to the inside of my dryer sometimes, meaning that they'll occasionally get left behind. Similarly, I've found that my socks can get wedged undernieth the agitator in my washing machine. The socks aren't necissarily "lost" in these examples, but they're not making it out with the rest of the clothes.

Another potential explanation is that the Underpants Gnomes are branching out. But that means that they're getting more ambitious, and I don't even want to think about what that means for civilization as a whole.

8 - Answer(s)

Q: Joe Zaffarano - What is the proper length for the snare-quad solo in Conga?
A: The proper length of the Conga solo depends on a number of factors, such as the tiredness of the drum section, how many minutes are left in intermission, and the enthusiasm of the crowd. Removing those variables, my opinion is that the proper length of the snare/quad call and answer is 4 exchanges. This gives both parties enough time to show off a bit, but doesn't drag the drum solo section of the song out for too long. If time is short, then the solo should be cut down to as few as one exchanges. If the crowd is really into it, then I can see extending it to as many as 8, but anything more than that is really pushing it.

Q: Sarah LaBombard - Did Sarah find Oscar?
A: First, the backstory: While moving my drums into Monty's Krown for a gig last Saturday, Allison asked me what Sarah L's cat is named. I was highly confused by the random nature of the question, and I said that I couldn't remember, and asked her why she was asking. She pointed to a poster taped to a lightpost, which had a picture of a lost cat belonging to a "Sarah". Under the picture was the name "Oscar", and a phone number to call with information about the cat. Unfortunately I didn't write down Sarah's number from the poster asking for information about her lost cat, so I can't get any information about this. Sorry!

Q (repeat): Bill Jeffers - So how many dimensions are there REALLY?
A: After studying the issue some more, I'm sorry to report that I'm more confused about it now than I was when I began. I spent about half an hour reading the Wikipedia article about string theory, and then watched the "Imagining the Tenth Dimension" flash animation that was posted on Jolinko last week (that I imagine sparked the question). What I learned from my research is that there are 5, 10, 11, or 26 dimensions. I can wrap my mind around the concept of a fifth dimension, which ties into quantum mechanics, specifically the "many worlds" theory. The basic idea behind this theory is that there are infinite universes that exist based upon the events that took place in the past. For example, there is a universe in which Ron Ayers wants to destroy the Random Thread, and one where he wants to keep it. This "many worlds" theory has (apparently) been proven, and so I submit that the minimum number of dimensions is 5.

Once we get beyond the fifth dimension, I start to get somewhat fuzzy. Are there higher dimensions? I don't know, and more to the point it's impossible to prove at the moment. I think a more important question is does it matter if there are higher dimensions or not? By this I mean, even if there are higher dimensions, what does that get us? Are we able to make use of this knowledge in a productive way? I don't have the answers here.

On a slightly related tangent, I have some more thoughts. As I grow older I find myself looking at these "big" issues more philosophically than physically. If I look at an object, I don't think about what makes it up at a subatomic level. It's enough for me to just know that the object exists. By this I mean that when I look at an object, I am satisfied with the FACT that it exists. HOW it exists (the physics behind it) doesn't interest me as much as it used to. I loved physics in high school, and continue to find the subject of astronomy fascinating, but when I started to read about string theory and quantum mechanics, I realized that it's less about physics and more about metaphysics. These things can't be proven, only speculated about. I know that much of science is just theory, and I also know that there is good reason to believe in higher dimensions. But I view it as just that: "belief". I think that this matter can be settled someday, but that day isn't today.

I realize I've gotten away from the question you asked, Bill, and for that I'm sorry. But this is what's on my mind. Thanks for your time, guys.