[Editor's Note: This is the shortest Ask Mitssob since we've been doing this, and Tim STILL couldn't get it done in less than a week. I'm not sure what's on that man's mind but he definitely ain't right. In fact, I felt so bad for him that I slipped him a bonus question at the last minute to see if I could snap him out of it. Judging from his answers I don't think it worked.]
Q: Sam - are you my mommy?
A: No. First, I am of the wrong gender for this to be even possible. Second, I see from your Jolinko profile that you were born in 1987, making you 8 years younger than me. Therefore I would have had to be sexually active at age 8, which I wasn't. So no, I am not your mommy.
Q: Editor - You've been to see a lot of movies this year. How would you rate them?
A: Wow, when my editor has to submit questions that means it's been a really slow week. But since he signs my paychecks I guess I'll have to answer. [Ed. - Who are you kidding? You don't get paid for this! I know. I'm just hoping that an agent reads this and takes pity on me.]
I've always been a fan of the movies. Back in high school I came up with my own rating system which I've modified a couple times as I've gotten older. It's probably not original, but it's served me well lo these many years. Let me say at the outset that this system is not always a representation on the quality of a movie but rather a statement of how a fan of movies in general should spend their money and time.
Theater - In order to be truly appreciated the movie must be seen in a movie theater. Generally reserved for big-budget action with big-budget special effects.
Rental - A good movie and one that should absolutely be seen, but one that you can enjoy from the comfort of your home. This category has grown in recent years with the advent of large widescreen televisions.
Cable - See it when it hits TNT, FX, TBS, or whoever decides to show it first. It's alright, you might be entertained, and the commercials and censorship won't take away from the experience.
Illegal Download - If you simply MUST see this movie then I encourage you to download it illegally so that no one profits from your viewing. The people who made it should not be encouraged to continue making movies of such poor quality.
Don't Bother - As the name implies, don't bother seeing it. In fact, don't waste the bandwidth on the internet to download it. Just move on with your life and be glad that you were not subjected to it.
Below are the movies that I've seen this year in chronological order:
Push - Illegal Download - Alright acting, poor writing, incoherent plot, and an unsatisfying ending. Other than that it was still pretty bad, but if you must see it then don't encourage them to make a sequel. Please.
Watchmen - Rental - A very well done movie with deep characters, great writing, a good story, and great visuals. This is one that I would have given a "Theater" to 5 years ago, but with Blu-Ray and a good widescreen you'll get a more than adequate experience.
Knowing - Rental - A surprisingly deep movie without taking itself too seriously. Nicholas Cage was good, as was the supporting cast. The ending was a little over-the-top but still good.
Fast and Furious - Cable - A direct sequel of The Fast and the Furious, and if you liked that movie then you might like this one. Good action sequences, surprisingly good acting, but overall it was just a predictable mess. It'll be on constant rotation on FX within the next couple months so just wait until then.
I Love You, Man - Rental - A co-worker dragged me to this one and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. There were a few too many awkward moments for my tastes but it was funny, heartfelt, and had good character arcs for everyone involved.
Crank: High Voltage - Illegal Download - I loved the first movie. It was a great chase movie with an over-the-top plot and hilarious acting by Jason Statham and Amy Smart. This movie ranks among the worst sequels I've ever seen. Ever. There are very few redeeming qualities to this film. You've been warned.
Star Trek - Theater - The best movie I've seen this summer. By a quirk of fate I ended up seeing it three times and enjoyed it more each time. The writing, acting, special effects and story were all fantastic. If you haven't seen it yet I highly recommend it.
Terminator: Salvation - Rental - Seeing an 8-foot-tall Arnold Schwarzenegger lookalike fight with Christian Bale is just one reason to see this movie. Christian Bale does a good job as an adult John Connor, and if you're a fan of the franchise then this movie is worth seeing.
The Taking of Pelham 123 - Rental - Great performances by Denzel Washington and John Travolta combined with a very well written story make for a great movie. Unfortunately the ending is just plain unsatisfying and left me very disappointed.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Theater - This is one of the worst movies I've seen this year. So why do I give it a "Theater" recommendation? Because it is also the best spectacle of the summer. I saw this movie in IMAX and it was glorious. Terrible, but glorious.
Public Enemies - Rental - Johnny Depp carries this movie as far as it can be carried, which ultimately isn't far enough. I like Michael Mann's movies and the gunfights were up to his high standards, but the movie was a little long and dragged on a bit too much.
I've got at least five more movies on my plate this year and I'll report on them as I see them.