[Editor's Note: As this is the final Ask Mitssob it stands to reason that Tim would be very late with it. And look at that, he is! I've been pinging him weekly for the past four months. He blames the snow, NaNoWriMo, his video editing business, work travel, every tired old excuse he's ever had. The answers finally showed up on my doorstep yesterday along with a bouquet of flowers. I don't know if the two are related. If they are I'm touched, otherwise I'm mildly creeped out.
One more thing: after editing these answers I have to say that they are, without a doubt, the most average set that Tim's ever delivered. The overall quality of answers throughout the past four years and 65 episodes was not increased or decreased by these answers. It's really remarkable.]
Q: Dan - if there's nothing missing in my life then why do these tears come at night?
A: The song poses the question "if there's nothing missing in my life," so I answer, "There is." Now, why the fact that there is something missing from your life causes tears to come is another question. I supposed the most likely explanation is that you are a very sensitive man who finds no shame in showing emotion through crying.
Oh, and another thing: I could have gone my whole life without hearing this song and died a happy man. But no, Dan, you had to ask this question and make me find the song and listen to it. For that, may you roast in hell for all eternity.
Q: MattB - What does Jarsh's dance to the aforementioned song look like? Good/bad/hilarious/other?
A: Jarsh's dance to that song, like all of Jarsh's dancing, would be epic. Simply epic.
Q: Luke - How many times will Serena try something?
A: Out of respect for Serena, who is one of my oldest and best friends, I will not even discuss the circumstances of this question, much less answer it.
Q: Phil - why did luke come back to jolinko or life?
A: Luke came back to Jolinko because Jolinko is, as the kids say, "da bomb". Actually, I'm not sure if kids say "da bomb" anymore. In fact, I haven't got the foggiest idea what kids say. Popular culture and I agreed to see other people sometime in the mid-2000's and frankly it's been for the best.
But that's irrelevant. The point is, who wouldn't want to come back to Jolinko?
Q: Luke - Why did Phil feel the need to write "or life" in tiny font?
A: Apparently you and Phil have some personal issues that you both need to work through. Do I detect some subtle tension between you two? Maybe some unresolved feelings? Do we need a group hug? Maybe a drum circle?
Q: Vanessa - I want the latest info on the Arrested Development movie. I know thats not a question...but run with it.
A: Here. [Ed: You were just trying for shortest answer with that one, weren't you? Yup.]
Q: Bill J - Gimme some tips on routers. What's the difference between the 30 dollar one and the 100 dollar one? First person to say $70 gets a virtual punch in the face.
A: The difference in price likely reflects a difference in features found in the routers. Below is a quick list:
- Ethernet Ports: 4 is common and usually sufficient. You'll pay a bit more for an 8-port router. Unless you're networking together a lot of stuff in one office you don't need 8 ports. 4 will be plenty.
- Wireless: The most common standards are 802.11b, g and n. Higher letters are faster (802.11b is 11 megabits per second (Mbps), g is 54 Mbps, and n is over 160 Mbps). Those speeds, though, are the raw over-the-air bit rates. When you talk real-world data they're about 2/3 as fast on average. Anyway, higher letters will cost more, but will also perform better. Additionally, newer hardware (such as newer laptops, smart phones, TVs, etc) will drop older standards. Unless you've got something that requires 802.11b I'd just go as high as you can.
- Security: Most routers come with some kind of firewall software built into them. Basically speaking firewalls allow the router to filter out IP ports that outside users can use to get into your system. You might pay a little more for the super-smart filters but frankly you'll be fine with any firewall.
Incidentally, I know very little about the other kind of router. I'm not much of a woodworker and have never even used one. I know that they're used to cut grooves into wood (for decoration, creating joints, etc.) but as far as providing tips I'm the wrong guy.
Q: democko - What do you plan on doing with your life after Ask Mitssob is over? 2 chicks at the same time? Also, who are we going to ask our random questions to? Jolinko at large?
A: Two chicks at the same time? I've had enough trouble maintaining zero chicks at the same time, much less two. Come to think of it, I haven't discussed my adventures in single-hood here. I guess that's because there's nothing that interesting to tell. [Ed: Also, no one asked. Because frankly, who cares? You're single and lonely. We get it. True, but this is my column and I'll cry if I want to.] I joined a couple of popular online dating sites in an effort to find true love and have had some interesting experiences. Nothing against any of the women I've met through them, but let's just say that I haven't yet found what I'm looking for. I did gain a lot of experience in first dates, and I did drink a lot of coffee, but as for "the one", she's still out there.
Getting back to your question, I have several projects that will keep me busy once this is over. First and foremost is my video editing side-business, "Changing Seasons Productions". I recently wrapped up a DVD project for local band "The Beaumonts". On November 19 I and several of my friends filmed a double-header show at Waterstreet, after which I will have two new DVDs to produce. I also filmed the Tuba Christmas 2010 production in Rochester, during which a nice woman asked if she could buy a copy so I made that DVD, and also provided copies to some friends who had both played in the show and attended. After that I'm not sure what's next but now that I'm getting my name out there as a video producer I'm starting to get some attention. Hopefully it turns into more business.
I also want to dedicate more time to writing. NaNoWriMo has come and gone, and as usual caused a big delay in these answers. I have to admit that I had a lot of trouble this year. I didn't like my characters, didn't like where my story went, and basically felt like writing was a huge chore. But I slogged through and wound up with my 7th NaNoWriMo victory. Hooray, I guess. I'm going to spend a little time editing the story, then get back to my much-worked-on novel from the past few NaNoWriMo sessions. Another draft is coming in the summer and then maybe I'll start shopping it around.
Finally I'll be working on my house. I've recently finished up work on my second guest bedroom and will next turn my attentions to the room off my garage. It's currently my office but I've always hated having my office there. The room, being right off the garage, practically begs to be turned into a mud room, so that's what I'm going to do. While I'm at it I'll be moving my laundry up from the basement and installing it there. It's the most major home project I've ever done and I'm looking forward to driving it through to completion.
So in short, I've got a lot on my plate in the place of Ask Mitssob. I'll miss it, I know, and I might come back to it in the next few years, but there are only so many hours in the day and I just can't dedicate any time to this project any more.
As to your second question I am currently working through how to set up and moderate a weekly "Ask Jolinko" feature, similar to Brett Gobe's wildly successful "Quiz of the Week" feature. Consider it my legacy in retirement. I think harnessing the collective intelligence of Jolinko could be a fun project. I think the big problem is going to be keeping track of the questions and answers such that people can search through and get good information. I've also secured @askmitssob on Twitter, but this is mostly a placeholder. If you follow it you'll be sorely disappointed, at least for the time being.
Q: MattB - Last night I had a dream I got a 4 on the QOTW and I was really excited. What does that say about my life?
A: Nothing good, let me assure you. You have fixated upon Brett Gobe's famous Quiz of the Week (and by extension Brett Gobe Himself) as the source of your happiness. We'll get more into this in a little bit.
Q: democko - lets really lay it on Tim since this is the last one. think about all kinds of questions you might have. past, present, future, alternate reality...
A: That's the spirit! Bring it on!
Q: Phil - when will the bills next win more than 8 games in a season?
Q: Sarah - When will the Bills be decent again?
A: 2013. Of course since this will occur after the forthcoming end of the world in 2012 Bills fans have nothing to look forward to. But they should be used to that by now.
Q: Vanessa - I need a rollerderby name. What should it be?
A: Some thoughts off the top of my head:
- Xena: Warrior Princess
- Unholy Roller
- The Rolling Pin
- I'm Gonna Take Off My Skate And Try To Stab You With It
Q: Banjo - Why wouldn't Matt Barrett dream of a perfect 5 on the QOTW? Is his low expectations going to hurt him in later in life when he sees the relative achievement of everyone else around him? Or will he be the only one happy and content with the life he is living, and therefore lead a better and more fulfilling life than those of us striving to meet unobtainable goals?
A: I think Matt's issues with Brett Gobe are the reason that he didn't dream of a perfect 5. He knows (or more accurately, his subconscious knows) that he doesn't know Brett well enough to score a perfect 5, and his dream reflected that.
The second part of your question (other than being a grammatical trainwreck) touches on an interesting subject. Expectations management is definitely a key to one's happiness. Personally I try to have desires but not expectations. Expectations can be let down. Desires can be acted upon.
Digging a little deeper, I think that it's a false comparison to say that people striving to meet unobtainable goals won't be as happy as people who are content with their situation in life. I understand what you mean but I don't think that it's true. Whether one is striving for unobtainable goals or sitting on one's ass eating Cheetos all day doesn't have anything to do with one's happiness. People can be happy in any circumstance in life. Any old saying tells us that money cannot buy happiness. I believe that this is true. Happiness, I've learned, is a choice. If you're happy chasing the unobtainable, good for you. If you're happy sitting on your ass eating Cheetos, good for you too. Ultimately it's up to each person to decide what a fulfilling life is and strive for that.
Finally, let me close with some suggested reading. My favorite radio talk show host right now is a man named Dennis Prager. Through his show I've learned a great deal about human nature, philosophy, and happiness. He's so serious about happiness that he dedicates an hour per week of his show to the subject. If you're looking for information about happiness you should read his book Happiness is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual.
Q: Phil - why does banjo care so much about matt's dream? is it because he has a secret love interest with matt? or is it just his true caring nature to care? further why do i care that banjo cares?
A: When I started this feature in 2006 I never expected to be using my skills as a writer to address the issues inherent in an all-male threesome. Yet here we are.
Q: Mr Rob Allen - what is the most disappointing experience I will have in my life
A: Your final words. They're going to suck. But just about everyone's final words suck, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Q: Brett - Who is the most viable GOP 2012 presidential candidate?
A: The field as I see it today can be divided into the following categories:
Thanks For Playing (Again)
Ron Paul, Texas Congressman and perrenial Republican and Libertarian candidate for President - He falls into the protectionist wing of libertarianism, which is not a wing that I occupy. He'll never win, but he'll keep running until he pulls in his final breath, so we're stuck with him.
Maybe Next Time
Bobby Jindal, governor of Louisiana - I really like Bobby Jindal and think he'd make a fantastic Presidential or Vice Presidential candidate. His management of the Gulf Oil Spill stood in stark contrast with the bumbling response of the federal government, which couldn't seem to get out of it's own way. He's young, articulate, and learning fast how to be a major political player. But he's not ready yet, and fortunately for him he seems to know it. I think we'll look him up in either 2016 or 2020.
Chris Christie, governor of New Jersey - Chris Christie is one of my favorite political figures, bar none. He doesn't take lip from anyone, stands up to political "sacred cows", and has a quick response for things that would cause most politicians to run for cover. But he has said that he's not running in 2012 and I believe him. Hopefully he reconsiders for 2016 or 2020.
Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska - Despite being on the national stage for the better part of the past 2 years, Sarah Palin is not ready to be a Presidential candidate. I do not believe that she is as stupid as her detractors claim, nor as smart as her supporters believe. Unfortunately she's been so vilified by her detractors that she can't possibly be an effective candidate this time around. Call me again in 2016 or 2020 and we'll talk. Until then, best of luck to her in whatever venture(s) she chooses to pursue.
You're Still Around?
Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House - Newt's been around a long time. He's a thinker and a man of action in the Republican party, but for some reason I just don't like him. These days I feel like the only thing he has to offer is himself, and frankly that's not enough for me.
Rick Santorum, former Senator from Pennsylvania - Defeated narrowly in 2006, Rick Santorum is the most socially conservative of the candidates that I can see. And for that reason people (and by "people" I mean "non-conservative Republicans") don't think he has a chance. Personally I think he would be good, but I also really hate the idea of Senators as Presidents. Senators deliberate and compromise and talk and deliberate some more. Executives (like governors) lead and do. It's why they, as a rule, make better Presidents.
Should Have Been You Instead of McCain
Tim Pawlenty, former governor of Minnesota - I like him. Republican governor of a relatively liberal state. He wasn't perfect, but he was effective.
Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska - Already talked about her, but let me just add that if she had been the candidate instead of McCain it would have been a much closer race. She still would have lost, mind you, but it would have been a lot more interesting.
Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts - I like him too. Another Republican governor of a very liberal state. He's run successful companies, managed the Olympics in Utah, was an effective governor, and was a fairly good Presidential candidate. His biggest black mark is RomneyCare, a precursor to ObamaCare. Personally I think he can sell the Republican party on the differences between the two but it's going to be a very hard fight.
Mitch Daniels, governor of Indiana - He has recently been in the news as part of the trend of governors taking on public employee unions. I think he's done a good job so far and am interested in seeing how he does as a candidate.
So what's my final answer? I'm going to go with Mitt Romney. I've been a fan of his for several years and think that he will be a fantastic presidential candidate in 2012 and an even better president come 2013.
Q: Banjo - How do you feel about Quantum Suicide theory? Does reality really split into multiple diverging universes with each and every choice that is made, or is there simply an abundance of universes for every possible outcome of ever possible event with a fixed starting point?
How do you feel about Schrödinger's cat? Furthermore should Schrödinger be brought up on charges of animal cruelty?
If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it really even matter if it makes a noise? Furthermore, if we have all these forests full of trees, and there's no one around to hear anything, have we succeeded in protecting our natural resources?
A: I like your enthusiasm. Let's dive in!
1. Before I answer, allow me to state that how I feel about Quantum Suicide Theory is irrelevant to whether or not it's true. It's kind of like asking how I feel about gravity. Sure I hate gravity, but so what? My hatred of gravity does not lessen its hold on me.
To more directly answer your question, I subscribe to the "many worlds" theory of quantum mechanics. The 4th dimensional reality that we live in is collapsed down from all the possible outcomes of all the possible decisions for this instant in time. For example, there is a universe in which I finished this answer a month ago and one in which I'm never going to finish.
Strangely this isn't the first theoretical physics question to come across my desk. I tackled it in the first few months of this column back in 2006. I highly recommend watching the Flash animation that kicked off the debate three and a half years ago. It's educational, funny, and very well made.
2. I think that Schrödinger's cat is a very silly thought experiment. Basically it goes like this: seal a cat in a box with some (non-deadly) radioactive material, a glass vial of poison and a hammer connected to a Geiger counter. The radioactive material will begin to decay and at some point the Geiger counter will be triggered, which causes the hammer to fall and break the vial of poison and kill the cat. But (and here's the point) when is the cat dead? According to the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics nothing is known about a system until it is observed. Therefore in the above thought experiment, the cat is both alive AND dead until you open the box to find out, at which time it becomes alive OR dead.
I do not think that Schrödinger should be brought up on animal cruelty charges since there's no evidence that he actually did what the thought experiment. Anyone who actually does this experiment should be brought up on charges, though.
3. No, it doesn't matter, but this rhetorical question is one that will never die.
The second part of this question is a non-sequitor. A well-phrased and humorous non-sequitor, but a non-sequitor nonetheless. [Ed. Seriously? Seriously.] Whether there's anyone around to hear trees falling in the forrest has no relation to whether we've done a good job protecting our natural resources.
Q: karyn - If CUPBAA promised bumper stickers and watches for each donation, would more people donate to support the band? Also, are you donating anything to Clarkson (and/or the band) this year?
A: It might. It's a nice gesture and a nice incentive to provide potential donors. And yes, I'm planning to make a donation to the recently-introduced CUPBAA Scholarship Fund, and also a donation to Clarkson University as a whole.
Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't thank you personally, Karyn, for all the great questions over the years. Looking back I have learned more answering your questions than anyone else's, so thank you!
Q: SteveFaux - Other than the two games against NE, how many Bills games will I get to see on TV in the greater boston area?
[Editor's Note: Tim answered this question halfway through the NFL season. Normally I'd delete this answer outright but since this is the last episode I'll leave it in.]
A: Not as many as you would like but more than the good citizens of New England would like. So in the end you'll both be unhappy. And that's a good thing.
Seriously, a quick check of the schedule reveals that Buffalo is playing all of its remaining games at 1pm on Sundays, sometimes on CBS and sometimes on FOX. New England's remaining games are spread all over the place, and more often than not they are not playing at the same time and on the same network as Buffalo. In fact, the only two weeks where there is a definite conflict are 14 and 17.
Unfortunately it's not as simple as that, though. Since Buffalo is not a good team (which is like saying "Potsdam is not a warm place" or "Bill is not a quiet man") the draw in any matchup will be their opponent. There are some complelling matchups in your future, though. I count more than a few weeks where it's possible that you'd get to see them (Week 9 vs. Chicago, Week 12 vs. Pittsburgh, Week 15 at Miami, etc).
My verdict: You'll get to see the Bills get beaten three more times this season, not counting the second beating at the hands of the Patriots.
Q: Luke - How many tears were shed by Steve Faux when cloves became illegal due to being dubbed a flavored cigarette?
A: As has become the new tradition in Ask Mitssob, I'll let someone else answer this question. In this case, Steve himself:
SteveFaux: There were a few tears of anger, then i quit smoking.
And there you have it, folks. The final Ask Mitssob. It's been a pleasure. Thanks for reading, thanks for the questions, and thanks for the laughs. Goodbye.
Showing posts with label pop culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pop culture. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Friday, July 23, 2010
64 - Answers
Q: Jacob - How long will it be before Steve Jobs initiates kill mode on every apple product, turning each one into a pocket sized nuke and obliterating the human race to make way for a society of steve jobs (both male and female) clones?
A: Since I'm writing this answer with an iPhone 4 in my pocket (and yes, I'm also happy to see you) I hope that your theory is wrong. The sheer number of Apple products in the marketplace right now means that if Apple did have some sort of "kill switch" in their iPods, iPads, iMacs and iPhones they could cause considerable damage. The size of the explosive device would obviously play into how much damage. I do not believe that "pocket sized nukes" exist, so I'm not too worried. If you packed an iMac full of C4, though, I'm sure it would make a hell of a bang.
On a random note, when I was in middle school a friend of mine had a similar theory about Lee Iaococca and the wildly successful Chrysler family of minivans. It was his theory that Lee Iacococa had planted a small explosive device into every minivan sold (and remember that at the time, Chrystler was pretty much the only game in town when it came to minivans) and would one day detonate them to destroy the country. I find it funny that someone else has come up with that same theory over 15 years later.
Q: Jacob - Also, shouldn't you know the answer to your own question of "any questions"
A: I should, but there's always the risk that no one will ask any questions in a particular episode. On a couple of occasions I've only gotten one question which made for a very short week.
Q: Banjo - If you were writing a guidebook to being the Business Manager for the Clarkson Pep Band, what sort of advice might you give for future managers?
A: Great question. I served as business manager for the Pep Band for the 1999/2000 season and I'd like to think I didn't screw it up too badly. The following are my random thoughts about what I would tell young whippersnappers who yearn to be business managers for the Clarkson Pep Band.
1. Get one or two credit cards, preferably ones that provide some form of reward, and use those to book the travel expenses. You get reimbursed by the university and build up your credit rating and earn rewards at the same time.
2. Keep an eye out during the year for your successor. Get them to sit at the table with you as you peddle merchandise before games and as you take tickets at the Barben rooms. If you decide that they're not right then move on to the next candidate.
3. Don't use Suggestion #2 only to hook up with your fellow bandies. (Notice I said "only". If they're cute and competent then have at it!)
4. Don't bail the President out if s/he is arrested for public indecency.
5. Worry too much about your first bus trip. Print directions for the bus driver, double-check all hotel reservations, and watch traffic reports on where you're going.
6. Don't worry so much about the next trip.
7. Always be the least drunk person on the eBoard. In fact, it's best if you are sober during games and during the majority of time spent on road trips. Seriously. I'm not kidding.
8. Never ever EVER lose track of the envelope of cash. I mean not now, not ever, never.
9. See #8.
I would encourage other past business managers to chime in here with their thoughts and suggestions. It's a very rewarding experience and one that I highly recommend.
Q: Jon Otter - What ever happened to Caswell?
A: He and his lovely wife Heather live up in Massena, NY. I have seen the two of them at a couple of Clarkson Pep Band Reunion weekends over the years. They seem very happy and I hope that they're doing well.
Q: Vanessa - Will Lindsey Lohan ever realize shes a huge fuckup?
A: Try as I might I haven't been able to dig up any information about Lindsey Lohan. To my mind that means she can't be that much of a fuckup. Every time I search I keep getting redirected to some Hollywood starlet-gone-wrong named Lindsay Lohan. I presume that this person must be interesting because there are literally thousands of news stories about her.
I jest, of course. I know that you're asking about the aforementioned starlet-gone-wrong. So let's dig in. This is a complex social and societal question, one that I'm not even remotely qualified to answer for a number of reasons, not the least of which is my total and utter lack of interest. Let me be perfectly clear in the way that Ask Mitssob so rarely is:
I.
Just.
Don't.
Give.
A.
Crap.
But this feature is all about me looking into things for the benefit of my readers so let me boil this down to the basics in one horrible run-on sentence: She's a girl who used to model and now she acts and sings and when she's not doing that she drinks and takes drugs and she had a bunch of topless pictures taken of her and then she got some DUIs and spent 84 minutes in jail and then she got a bunch more DUIs and didn't show up for her hearings and now she's going to jail for 90 days and then into rehab for 90 days and then she's going to be naked in a movie called, "Inferno". The end? Of course not! I'm sure there will be much more from this girl in the future and that gossip websites will get millions of hits and gossip magazines will sell thousands of copies. But to reiterate:
I.
Just.
Don't.
Give.
A.
Crap.
And far be it from me to tell you all what to do with your lives, but I don't think you should give a crap either. Yes, she's a fuckup. I think that we can agree on that. But the question is whether she will ever realize it. My answer is no, she won't. She is a hip young starlet, immortal in the way that only hip young starlets can be. She's her own woman, out to show the world that there's nothing she can't do. The rules don't apply to her, goddammit! She's Lindsay Fucking Lohan! And so it's not worth our time. Let's just move on.
So in short, she won't ever realize that she's a fuckup. Am I sad? Nope. Do I care any more now than I did at the beginning of my answer? Nope. Did I at least have fun answering this question? Yeah, a little, I guess.
Q: Jacob - Is The Room really a black comedy or did Tommy wiseau just fail miserably at making a romance drama?
A: The Room is not a black comedy, nor do I think that Tommy Wiseau failed miserably at making a romance drama. I think Tommy Wiseau failed miserably, period. I don't know what he was trying to do, but whatever it was he failed. Epically, tragically, unquestioningly, failed.
Until now the worst movie I'd ever seen was a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie called SS Doomtrooper. I found out about it about two years ago when some of my coworkers and I started looking through the cast of the new Star Trek movie. We saw that the guy playing Sarek had been in a movie called SS Doomtrooper. The reviews on IMDB made it sound like something not to be missed so I set my DVR and watched it a few days later. It was an incomprehensible mess, just as hilariously stupid as the reviews led me to believe. I burned copies of the movie and passed them around to my coworkers and their assessment was the same.
Well step aside, SS Doomtrooper. The Room is now officially the worst movie I've ever seen.
It took me the better part of two days to watch this movie because I couldn't watch for more than five minutes at a time without fear of losing my mind. Seriously. From the first horrible line to the final stupid shot I alternated between laughing, screaming at the screen, and holding my head in agony. Never before have I seen such a combination of bad acting, bad writing, incoherent story, and unlikable characters. If it wasn't for Ask Mitssob I wouldn't have bothered finishing it, but just for you all I suffered through to the bitter end.
Here's my distillation of the plot (or at least as much of it as I can figure out): Johnny (played poorly by Tommy Wiseau himself) is a guy. His fiancé Lisa lives with him. They have awkward sex a couple of times featuring eyeball-searing shots of Tommy Wiseau's ass. There's a kid named Denny whose only function in the movie is to show up from time to time, be annoying, and then leave. Lisa's obnoxious mother comes over and Lisa announces that she doesn't love Johnny anymore. Then she (Lisa) has awkward sex with some random dude. That dude turns out to be Mark, Johnny's best friend. After that a couple show up and have sex in Johnny's apartment but it's OK because the woman is Lisa's friend Michelle. Then Denny gets beat up by a drug dealer on the roof but Johnny and Mark save the day and the drug dealer is never seen again. Later a guy named Peter shows up and plays the role of best actor in the movie (which is like being the world's tallest midget). The guys all play football in tuxedos on what I presume was Johnny and Lisa's wedding day, but there's no wedding. Lisa and Mark have awkward sex again. Lisa gets more annoying and has another awkward conversation with her mother about not loving Johnny and loving Mark. Lisa throws Johnny a surprise birthday party complete with a horrible rendition of "Happy Birthday" sung in four different keys by the cast. Lisa sends everyone outside and then tries to have sex with Mark but some random guy walks in and spoils it. Later Johnny announces to the party that "they're expecting", but Lisa reveals to random guy and Michelle that she lied. Random guy has the best line of the whole movie: "I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off." Indeed.
Anyway, Johnny and Mark fight and then they make up and then they fight again and Johnny storms off and locks himself in the bathroom. Lisa leaves to be with Mark and Johnny wanders around his apartment doing a bad impersonation of Peter Banner turning into the Hulk. Then he finds a gun and shoots himself. Mark and Lisa find him and cry. Lisa asks if they (she and Mark) can be together and Mark yells at her and says that she killed Johnny. Donny shows up and cries. Final shot is of Johnny lying in a pool of blood. The end.
This movie is the first ever to reach the final level of my movie rating scale (which I forgot to mention when I brought it up last year): Destroy All Copies. I will be deleting my copy shortly and I encourage anyone who has it to do the same for the benefit of all humanity.
A: Since I'm writing this answer with an iPhone 4 in my pocket (and yes, I'm also happy to see you) I hope that your theory is wrong. The sheer number of Apple products in the marketplace right now means that if Apple did have some sort of "kill switch" in their iPods, iPads, iMacs and iPhones they could cause considerable damage. The size of the explosive device would obviously play into how much damage. I do not believe that "pocket sized nukes" exist, so I'm not too worried. If you packed an iMac full of C4, though, I'm sure it would make a hell of a bang.
On a random note, when I was in middle school a friend of mine had a similar theory about Lee Iaococca and the wildly successful Chrysler family of minivans. It was his theory that Lee Iacococa had planted a small explosive device into every minivan sold (and remember that at the time, Chrystler was pretty much the only game in town when it came to minivans) and would one day detonate them to destroy the country. I find it funny that someone else has come up with that same theory over 15 years later.
Q: Jacob - Also, shouldn't you know the answer to your own question of "any questions"
A: I should, but there's always the risk that no one will ask any questions in a particular episode. On a couple of occasions I've only gotten one question which made for a very short week.
Q: Banjo - If you were writing a guidebook to being the Business Manager for the Clarkson Pep Band, what sort of advice might you give for future managers?
A: Great question. I served as business manager for the Pep Band for the 1999/2000 season and I'd like to think I didn't screw it up too badly. The following are my random thoughts about what I would tell young whippersnappers who yearn to be business managers for the Clarkson Pep Band.
1. Get one or two credit cards, preferably ones that provide some form of reward, and use those to book the travel expenses. You get reimbursed by the university and build up your credit rating and earn rewards at the same time.
2. Keep an eye out during the year for your successor. Get them to sit at the table with you as you peddle merchandise before games and as you take tickets at the Barben rooms. If you decide that they're not right then move on to the next candidate.
3. Don't use Suggestion #2 only to hook up with your fellow bandies. (Notice I said "only". If they're cute and competent then have at it!)
4. Don't bail the President out if s/he is arrested for public indecency.
5. Worry too much about your first bus trip. Print directions for the bus driver, double-check all hotel reservations, and watch traffic reports on where you're going.
6. Don't worry so much about the next trip.
7. Always be the least drunk person on the eBoard. In fact, it's best if you are sober during games and during the majority of time spent on road trips. Seriously. I'm not kidding.
8. Never ever EVER lose track of the envelope of cash. I mean not now, not ever, never.
9. See #8.
I would encourage other past business managers to chime in here with their thoughts and suggestions. It's a very rewarding experience and one that I highly recommend.
Q: Jon Otter - What ever happened to Caswell?
A: He and his lovely wife Heather live up in Massena, NY. I have seen the two of them at a couple of Clarkson Pep Band Reunion weekends over the years. They seem very happy and I hope that they're doing well.
Q: Vanessa - Will Lindsey Lohan ever realize shes a huge fuckup?
A: Try as I might I haven't been able to dig up any information about Lindsey Lohan. To my mind that means she can't be that much of a fuckup. Every time I search I keep getting redirected to some Hollywood starlet-gone-wrong named Lindsay Lohan. I presume that this person must be interesting because there are literally thousands of news stories about her.
I jest, of course. I know that you're asking about the aforementioned starlet-gone-wrong. So let's dig in. This is a complex social and societal question, one that I'm not even remotely qualified to answer for a number of reasons, not the least of which is my total and utter lack of interest. Let me be perfectly clear in the way that Ask Mitssob so rarely is:
I.
Just.
Don't.
Give.
A.
Crap.
But this feature is all about me looking into things for the benefit of my readers so let me boil this down to the basics in one horrible run-on sentence: She's a girl who used to model and now she acts and sings and when she's not doing that she drinks and takes drugs and she had a bunch of topless pictures taken of her and then she got some DUIs and spent 84 minutes in jail and then she got a bunch more DUIs and didn't show up for her hearings and now she's going to jail for 90 days and then into rehab for 90 days and then she's going to be naked in a movie called, "Inferno". The end? Of course not! I'm sure there will be much more from this girl in the future and that gossip websites will get millions of hits and gossip magazines will sell thousands of copies. But to reiterate:
I.
Just.
Don't.
Give.
A.
Crap.
And far be it from me to tell you all what to do with your lives, but I don't think you should give a crap either. Yes, she's a fuckup. I think that we can agree on that. But the question is whether she will ever realize it. My answer is no, she won't. She is a hip young starlet, immortal in the way that only hip young starlets can be. She's her own woman, out to show the world that there's nothing she can't do. The rules don't apply to her, goddammit! She's Lindsay Fucking Lohan! And so it's not worth our time. Let's just move on.
So in short, she won't ever realize that she's a fuckup. Am I sad? Nope. Do I care any more now than I did at the beginning of my answer? Nope. Did I at least have fun answering this question? Yeah, a little, I guess.
Q: Jacob - Is The Room really a black comedy or did Tommy wiseau just fail miserably at making a romance drama?
A: The Room is not a black comedy, nor do I think that Tommy Wiseau failed miserably at making a romance drama. I think Tommy Wiseau failed miserably, period. I don't know what he was trying to do, but whatever it was he failed. Epically, tragically, unquestioningly, failed.
Until now the worst movie I'd ever seen was a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie called SS Doomtrooper. I found out about it about two years ago when some of my coworkers and I started looking through the cast of the new Star Trek movie. We saw that the guy playing Sarek had been in a movie called SS Doomtrooper. The reviews on IMDB made it sound like something not to be missed so I set my DVR and watched it a few days later. It was an incomprehensible mess, just as hilariously stupid as the reviews led me to believe. I burned copies of the movie and passed them around to my coworkers and their assessment was the same.
Well step aside, SS Doomtrooper. The Room is now officially the worst movie I've ever seen.
It took me the better part of two days to watch this movie because I couldn't watch for more than five minutes at a time without fear of losing my mind. Seriously. From the first horrible line to the final stupid shot I alternated between laughing, screaming at the screen, and holding my head in agony. Never before have I seen such a combination of bad acting, bad writing, incoherent story, and unlikable characters. If it wasn't for Ask Mitssob I wouldn't have bothered finishing it, but just for you all I suffered through to the bitter end.
Here's my distillation of the plot (or at least as much of it as I can figure out): Johnny (played poorly by Tommy Wiseau himself) is a guy. His fiancé Lisa lives with him. They have awkward sex a couple of times featuring eyeball-searing shots of Tommy Wiseau's ass. There's a kid named Denny whose only function in the movie is to show up from time to time, be annoying, and then leave. Lisa's obnoxious mother comes over and Lisa announces that she doesn't love Johnny anymore. Then she (Lisa) has awkward sex with some random dude. That dude turns out to be Mark, Johnny's best friend. After that a couple show up and have sex in Johnny's apartment but it's OK because the woman is Lisa's friend Michelle. Then Denny gets beat up by a drug dealer on the roof but Johnny and Mark save the day and the drug dealer is never seen again. Later a guy named Peter shows up and plays the role of best actor in the movie (which is like being the world's tallest midget). The guys all play football in tuxedos on what I presume was Johnny and Lisa's wedding day, but there's no wedding. Lisa and Mark have awkward sex again. Lisa gets more annoying and has another awkward conversation with her mother about not loving Johnny and loving Mark. Lisa throws Johnny a surprise birthday party complete with a horrible rendition of "Happy Birthday" sung in four different keys by the cast. Lisa sends everyone outside and then tries to have sex with Mark but some random guy walks in and spoils it. Later Johnny announces to the party that "they're expecting", but Lisa reveals to random guy and Michelle that she lied. Random guy has the best line of the whole movie: "I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off." Indeed.
Anyway, Johnny and Mark fight and then they make up and then they fight again and Johnny storms off and locks himself in the bathroom. Lisa leaves to be with Mark and Johnny wanders around his apartment doing a bad impersonation of Peter Banner turning into the Hulk. Then he finds a gun and shoots himself. Mark and Lisa find him and cry. Lisa asks if they (she and Mark) can be together and Mark yells at her and says that she killed Johnny. Donny shows up and cries. Final shot is of Johnny lying in a pool of blood. The end.
This movie is the first ever to reach the final level of my movie rating scale (which I forgot to mention when I brought it up last year): Destroy All Copies. I will be deleting my copy shortly and I encourage anyone who has it to do the same for the benefit of all humanity.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
62 - Answers
Editor's Note: Tim has been very busy during this little unannounced two-month vacation from his Ask Mitssob duties. He has been filming and editing for his video production company, he's written a music video for his old band, and he's working hard on a new first draft of his novel. In short, Tim's got a lot on his plate, but that didn't stop me from sending a stern reminder that his legions of fans are eagerly awaiting their answers. He didn't believe me, but he put out these answers anyway.
Q: Bill - What's your favorite elemental?
A: The four elementals are earth, fire, water, and wind. Of the four I think that water is my favorite. I've always enjoyed spending time on the beach either swimming in the ocean or just sitting and enjoying the sights and sounds. Plus I love seafood, and seafood is impossible without water.
Of course, as a guy there's a special place in my heart for fire. But that's true of all guys.
Q: Bridget - Where and how can I get cheap plane tickets or save money on flying somewhere?
A: When I have to book travel for myself outside of work I've used Orbitz and have been pretty happy with them. I'm also a fan of the aggregator site Kayak. Finally, there's the William Shatner supported Priceline, which should earn your business for no other reason than it keeps William Shatner off the mountain.
Q (Part 1): Matt - This is going to be similar to the question I asked about the Tiger Woods saga. I haven't been paying much attention to the whole healthcare debate. Can you give me/us a brief rundown of what is being proposed, who the proposed changes will affect, and why it seems like everyone and their brother is against the legislation? Also, if you have any ideas of your own regarding what should be done, I'd be interested to hear those too.
Q (Part 2): Adam - I would also like to hear your thoughts on the health care legislation, but I would like to hear a bi-partisan version of the "overview" first. I'm not saying you'd be biased, but in the interest of education, I'd like to hear the big picture.
A: This question is the reason it's been so long between answers. Normally my editor would be providing excuses and/or insults but this time I wanted to do it myself. Every time I've sat down to answer this question I find myself going off on tangents about the nature of the American system of government, constitutional conservatism, and other lofty topics. It's taken me a long time but now I think I'm ready to provide some thoughts on this topic. It's not as complete as I'd like but it'll do for now.
Unbiased Overview
The Wall Street Journal had a good year-by-year breakdown of the healthcare bill as it currently stands, which can be found here. Another interactive guide was put together by USA Today and can be found here. Finally, the Washington Post has put together a nice "look ahead" here. Together these guides provide a better unbiased review than I could so I'll defer to them for this part of the answer.
Biased Thoughts
First, I can't speak for "everyone and their brother" on the issue of opposition to the bill. I think that the primary source of opposition to the bill is the feeling that an intrusive federal government meddling in the lives of citizens, but that's really a topic for another question and another time. Speaking for myself, the real problem that I have with Obamacare can be stated in two words: unintended consequences. The minute that the government tries to fix something that it perceives as broken there are a whole new set of problems created. I gave this example a few answers ago but I'll use it again: President George H.W. Bush increased taxes on luxury yachts as a way to tax the rich, but instead caused thousands of workers to be laid off. There are hundreds of examples like this. When the government tries to solve something it invariably creates more problems than it solves.
So what are the unintended consequences of a bill as complex and cumbersome as Obamacare? For an interesting read on just a few check out this article in Fortune Magazine. It outlines how big companies are considering dropping health coverage for employees since it'll be much cheaper to just pay the penalties. Now was this the intention of the bill? Of course not, but companies are going to act in their best interests despite the best intentions of the government. And any bill as massive as this one is going to have reams and reams o unintended consequences. I'm sure we're only just scratching the surface.
Dr. Mitssob's Solutions
Now that I've rambled a bit what would I like to see done? Below are three quick ideas I'd like to see implemented.
1. Restore the original definition of "insurance" - The basic concept of any insurance is that you pay a small amount on a periodic basis which covers you against a loss. Does that sound like health insurance to you? No, it doesn't, because "health insurance" now means "health care." An example I like to use is this: do you have insurance for the spark plugs in your car? How about for oil changes? No, of course not. Those things are to be paid for out of pocket as part of the care of your car. You have insurance for when you are involved in an accident. The term for this is catastrophic insurance. If you are in an accident the the costs of that accident are covered by your insurance. A side effect of this is that your premiums will go up because you are deemed a bigger risk. That's life. Getting back to the health side of things, if I get hit by a rental car bus on my next business trip then my insurance will pay for the costs of my hospital stay. As a result of this my insurance premiums will go up. You know what? That's also life. If you have demonstrated risk in your life then you're going to get charged more to insure your health. That's just the way that it is.
This is why the talk of "pre-existing conditions" during the debate about Obamacare made me shake my head in frustration. The rules that the government wants to put in place would let you buy insurance after you're sick, and then not have your premiums increase. That does not make sense from a business perspective. You can't buy retroactive car insurance that covers you after you've had a crash, and you can't buy homeowner's insurance while your house is on fire, so why should you be able to buy insurance after you break your leg? If you force insurance companies to do things that make no business sense then the insurance companies are going to fold. Period.
In short, pillar one of Dr. Mitssob's Healthcare Plan is to return to a normal insurance model. You want a doctor's appointment? Good for you, you get to pay money for it out of pocket. The result is that doctors will compete for your service, similar to how Jiffy Lube and Midas compete for your service when it comes to oil changes. Costs of routine visits will go down and the quality of the care will increase.
2. Leave drug companies alone - There's another side to the health care debate and that is the business side. It's very fashionable and chic to demonize and blame both insurance companies and drug companies for health care woes. Just take those "huge profits" away and life will be better for everyone, right? As I covered in a previous answer, drug companies make drugs by investing money in research and development. So where does that money come from? From selling drugs that people want. That means that erectile disfunction medication pays for research into new cures for cancer. Yes, it's a weird world, but the profit motive of the drug companies does far more good than politicians and activists do. Name me one drug that a politician created. Go ahead, I'll wait. Done? When I hear about the government wanting to cut into drug company profits or forcing drug companies to sell drugs for less I get worried. If there's no money to develop cures for cancer or new arthritis medication or whatever else we need then those drugs aren't going to get made. Think of that the next time drug company profits are mentioned.
3. Decouple insurance from employment - Want a historical example of unintended consequences? After World War II General Motors started offering health insurance as part of an employee's compensation so as to get around wage caps that the government put on companies. Eventually those wage caps went away but companies continued to offer health insurance as a perk to attract employees. What I'd like to see is a move towards an individual system. Let people purchase health insurance (or not) without input from their employers. That way when you change jobs the insurance moves with you, and employers have the burden of providing insurance to their employees removed. It's a win-win in my opinion.
So what's my final answer? Is there hope? Are we doomed? I honestly don't know. I'm lucky in my life to be healthy and have a job that provides me with good health insurance. If tomorrow I find out that I've got cancer or some other terrible disease then my insurance is going to cover me. And I'm happy about that. But that doesn't mean I'm satisfied with the health care system. I think improvements must be made but that market-based improvements are going to do a hell of a lot better than the government.
Q: Eric - I would like to hear mitssob as Glenn Beck on healthcare. Then again as Michael Moore
A: I would too. Unfortunately I don't pay enough attention to either of those personalities to properly "walk in their shoes" so to speak, nor do I have the time or desire to learn.
Q: vanessa - How many mistresses do you think will end up coming out about sleeping with Jesse James?
A: The count as of this writing is 5. They are:
- Michele "Bombshell" McGee
- Melissa Smith
- Brigitte Daguerre
- Unnamed Woman #1
- Unnamed Woman #2
The last of these was exposed (as it were) at the beginning of April. I'm tempted to say that since no others have come forward in the past two weeks that we're done with this sad, sorry story. However, these things are never over until they're over so I'll say that one more woman will be found.
Q: Sam - Why does the sun shine?
A: The sun shines because of a variety of nuclear reactions taking place in its core. These reactions are outlined quite well here and mostly involve hydrogen and helium.
In my first of two random asides, while researching this question I did what I normally do: type the question verbatim into Google and see what comes back. A few links down I found perhaps the least helpful answer I've encountered in my years of doing this exercise. [Ed: You mean other than the answers you come up with? One of these days I'm going to turn this column over to you and we'll see just how good you are at this.]:
"The Sun shines because it sends out energy in all directions as radiation. This radiation takes the form of light and heat. Almost the same amount of radiation leaves the Sun in all directions. It takes about eight minutes for the light from the Sun to travel to the Earth."
Thanks for playing, windows2universe.org.
Bill: The sun is a ball of something something gas.
The song is called "Why Does The Sun Shine?" and it begins "The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace." A full version performed by They Might Be Giants can be found by clicking on the question itself.
This answer gives me the chance to share one of the more surreal episodes in my life. The summer between Junior and Senior years of high school in New Hampshire students can apply to be part of the Advanced Studies Program at Saint Paul's School in Concord, NH. You take one "college-level" course plus a writing course. The course I chose to take was in Astronomy; at the time I was more of a science nerd than I am now and had dreams of becoming an astronomer. Anyway, one afternoon our class had to stand in front of the gathered masses in the lunch hall and sing that very song. It was, in a word, weird.
Brett:
The sun is a miasma
Of incandescent plasma
The sun's not simply made out of gas
No, no, no
The sun is a quagmire
It's not made of fire
Forget what you've been told in the past
(Plasma!)
Electrons are free
(Plasma!)
A fourth state of matter
Not gas, not liquid, not solid
The sun is no red dwarf
I hope it never morphs
Into some supernova'd collapsed orb
Orb, orb, orb
The sun is a miasma
Of incandescent plasma
I forget what I was told by myself
Elf, elf, elf
(Plasma!)
Electrons are free
(Plasma!)
A fourth state of matter
Not gas, not liquid, not solid
(Plasma!)
Forget that song
(Plasma!)
They got it wrong
That thesis has been rendered invalid
Thanks, Gobe. As always a nice contribution.
Q: vanessa - Whats the difference between a waspand a hornett? Please provide pictures/links. Thank you.
A: Basically a hornet is a kind of wasp, similar to how a golden retriever is a kind of dog or a square is a kind of rectangle. More precisely a hornet is a social, nesting wasp. The main distinguishing characteristic is that a hornet constructs its nest out of wood pulp. Below are pictures of wasp and hornet respectively:
More information can be found here, here, and here.
Q: Michaele-Lynne - Cornetto
A: What is a frozen ice-cream cone brand? [Ed: When did this become Jeopardy? I'm not sure. Maybe ML mistook me for Alex Trebek. It's easy to do.]
Q: Karyn - Is there any way to get some of those (good) virtual console/wii ware games for free? Are there any that are actually worth what they charge?
A: To do the things you describe you have to hack your Wii, which is something that sounds scary but is actually pretty simple and painless. I'd been thinking about doing it for a while and I used your question as an excuse to do it this afternoon. The goal is to get the "Homebrew Channel" onto your Wii. I started with these instructions I found on my new favorite website Lifehacker. Unfortunately they didn't work for me. I have 4.2U software which for some reason didn't work with the files provided with the instructions. I ended up finding a custom version of the files through these YouTube instructions.
Once the Homebrew Channel is on your Wii there there's one more step. The Homebrew Channel runs off of an SD card. To work on the Wii the card must be formatted as FAT and have a directory called "apps". The first app you need is the Homebrew Browser put out by the good folks at CodeMii. Put it into the apps directory and run it from the Homebrew Channel to get access to all sorts of cool stuff. When you download apps they are placed on that card and you can also go get custom apps off the Internet. Once you have everything installed I recommend reading this article for some tips and tricks about what to do with your newly-hacked Wii. For example, to run emulated games (which is all the Wii's Virtual Console is) you just download an emulator and put the ROM for the game onto that SD card.
As for the last part of your question I can't say whether any of the old games are worth the cost since I haven't bought any yet. Partly this is because I'm a cheapskate but it's also because I have a backlog of actual Wii and GameCube games I'm working through. In the Wii-Ware realm I have played a trivia game and a beer-pong game over at Bill's place and they're pretty entertaining and probably worth the few bucks they cost.
Q: Phil - Will it snow again in Potsdam before graduation this year?
A: Yes. There is typically a spring snowstorm in Potsdam and this year will not be an exception.
Q: Todd Nielson - What do you use to get something you post to, say, Twitter, and have it show up on Facebook, too?
A: I haven't done this in a while, but if I remember correctly it involves linking your Twitter account in Facebook. Check this link for instructions on how to do that. I had the two sites linked for a while but ended up disconnecting them since they serve two different purposes in my life.
Q: Bill - What's your favorite elemental?
A: The four elementals are earth, fire, water, and wind. Of the four I think that water is my favorite. I've always enjoyed spending time on the beach either swimming in the ocean or just sitting and enjoying the sights and sounds. Plus I love seafood, and seafood is impossible without water.
Of course, as a guy there's a special place in my heart for fire. But that's true of all guys.
Q: Bridget - Where and how can I get cheap plane tickets or save money on flying somewhere?
A: When I have to book travel for myself outside of work I've used Orbitz and have been pretty happy with them. I'm also a fan of the aggregator site Kayak. Finally, there's the William Shatner supported Priceline, which should earn your business for no other reason than it keeps William Shatner off the mountain.
Q (Part 1): Matt - This is going to be similar to the question I asked about the Tiger Woods saga. I haven't been paying much attention to the whole healthcare debate. Can you give me/us a brief rundown of what is being proposed, who the proposed changes will affect, and why it seems like everyone and their brother is against the legislation? Also, if you have any ideas of your own regarding what should be done, I'd be interested to hear those too.
Q (Part 2): Adam - I would also like to hear your thoughts on the health care legislation, but I would like to hear a bi-partisan version of the "overview" first. I'm not saying you'd be biased, but in the interest of education, I'd like to hear the big picture.
A: This question is the reason it's been so long between answers. Normally my editor would be providing excuses and/or insults but this time I wanted to do it myself. Every time I've sat down to answer this question I find myself going off on tangents about the nature of the American system of government, constitutional conservatism, and other lofty topics. It's taken me a long time but now I think I'm ready to provide some thoughts on this topic. It's not as complete as I'd like but it'll do for now.
Unbiased Overview
The Wall Street Journal had a good year-by-year breakdown of the healthcare bill as it currently stands, which can be found here. Another interactive guide was put together by USA Today and can be found here. Finally, the Washington Post has put together a nice "look ahead" here. Together these guides provide a better unbiased review than I could so I'll defer to them for this part of the answer.
Biased Thoughts
First, I can't speak for "everyone and their brother" on the issue of opposition to the bill. I think that the primary source of opposition to the bill is the feeling that an intrusive federal government meddling in the lives of citizens, but that's really a topic for another question and another time. Speaking for myself, the real problem that I have with Obamacare can be stated in two words: unintended consequences. The minute that the government tries to fix something that it perceives as broken there are a whole new set of problems created. I gave this example a few answers ago but I'll use it again: President George H.W. Bush increased taxes on luxury yachts as a way to tax the rich, but instead caused thousands of workers to be laid off. There are hundreds of examples like this. When the government tries to solve something it invariably creates more problems than it solves.
So what are the unintended consequences of a bill as complex and cumbersome as Obamacare? For an interesting read on just a few check out this article in Fortune Magazine. It outlines how big companies are considering dropping health coverage for employees since it'll be much cheaper to just pay the penalties. Now was this the intention of the bill? Of course not, but companies are going to act in their best interests despite the best intentions of the government. And any bill as massive as this one is going to have reams and reams o unintended consequences. I'm sure we're only just scratching the surface.
Dr. Mitssob's Solutions
Now that I've rambled a bit what would I like to see done? Below are three quick ideas I'd like to see implemented.
1. Restore the original definition of "insurance" - The basic concept of any insurance is that you pay a small amount on a periodic basis which covers you against a loss. Does that sound like health insurance to you? No, it doesn't, because "health insurance" now means "health care." An example I like to use is this: do you have insurance for the spark plugs in your car? How about for oil changes? No, of course not. Those things are to be paid for out of pocket as part of the care of your car. You have insurance for when you are involved in an accident. The term for this is catastrophic insurance. If you are in an accident the the costs of that accident are covered by your insurance. A side effect of this is that your premiums will go up because you are deemed a bigger risk. That's life. Getting back to the health side of things, if I get hit by a rental car bus on my next business trip then my insurance will pay for the costs of my hospital stay. As a result of this my insurance premiums will go up. You know what? That's also life. If you have demonstrated risk in your life then you're going to get charged more to insure your health. That's just the way that it is.
This is why the talk of "pre-existing conditions" during the debate about Obamacare made me shake my head in frustration. The rules that the government wants to put in place would let you buy insurance after you're sick, and then not have your premiums increase. That does not make sense from a business perspective. You can't buy retroactive car insurance that covers you after you've had a crash, and you can't buy homeowner's insurance while your house is on fire, so why should you be able to buy insurance after you break your leg? If you force insurance companies to do things that make no business sense then the insurance companies are going to fold. Period.
In short, pillar one of Dr. Mitssob's Healthcare Plan is to return to a normal insurance model. You want a doctor's appointment? Good for you, you get to pay money for it out of pocket. The result is that doctors will compete for your service, similar to how Jiffy Lube and Midas compete for your service when it comes to oil changes. Costs of routine visits will go down and the quality of the care will increase.
2. Leave drug companies alone - There's another side to the health care debate and that is the business side. It's very fashionable and chic to demonize and blame both insurance companies and drug companies for health care woes. Just take those "huge profits" away and life will be better for everyone, right? As I covered in a previous answer, drug companies make drugs by investing money in research and development. So where does that money come from? From selling drugs that people want. That means that erectile disfunction medication pays for research into new cures for cancer. Yes, it's a weird world, but the profit motive of the drug companies does far more good than politicians and activists do. Name me one drug that a politician created. Go ahead, I'll wait. Done? When I hear about the government wanting to cut into drug company profits or forcing drug companies to sell drugs for less I get worried. If there's no money to develop cures for cancer or new arthritis medication or whatever else we need then those drugs aren't going to get made. Think of that the next time drug company profits are mentioned.
3. Decouple insurance from employment - Want a historical example of unintended consequences? After World War II General Motors started offering health insurance as part of an employee's compensation so as to get around wage caps that the government put on companies. Eventually those wage caps went away but companies continued to offer health insurance as a perk to attract employees. What I'd like to see is a move towards an individual system. Let people purchase health insurance (or not) without input from their employers. That way when you change jobs the insurance moves with you, and employers have the burden of providing insurance to their employees removed. It's a win-win in my opinion.
So what's my final answer? Is there hope? Are we doomed? I honestly don't know. I'm lucky in my life to be healthy and have a job that provides me with good health insurance. If tomorrow I find out that I've got cancer or some other terrible disease then my insurance is going to cover me. And I'm happy about that. But that doesn't mean I'm satisfied with the health care system. I think improvements must be made but that market-based improvements are going to do a hell of a lot better than the government.
Q: Eric - I would like to hear mitssob as Glenn Beck on healthcare. Then again as Michael Moore
A: I would too. Unfortunately I don't pay enough attention to either of those personalities to properly "walk in their shoes" so to speak, nor do I have the time or desire to learn.
Q: vanessa - How many mistresses do you think will end up coming out about sleeping with Jesse James?
A: The count as of this writing is 5. They are:
- Michele "Bombshell" McGee
- Melissa Smith
- Brigitte Daguerre
- Unnamed Woman #1
- Unnamed Woman #2
The last of these was exposed (as it were) at the beginning of April. I'm tempted to say that since no others have come forward in the past two weeks that we're done with this sad, sorry story. However, these things are never over until they're over so I'll say that one more woman will be found.
Q: Sam - Why does the sun shine?
A: The sun shines because of a variety of nuclear reactions taking place in its core. These reactions are outlined quite well here and mostly involve hydrogen and helium.
In my first of two random asides, while researching this question I did what I normally do: type the question verbatim into Google and see what comes back. A few links down I found perhaps the least helpful answer I've encountered in my years of doing this exercise. [Ed: You mean other than the answers you come up with? One of these days I'm going to turn this column over to you and we'll see just how good you are at this.]:
"The Sun shines because it sends out energy in all directions as radiation. This radiation takes the form of light and heat. Almost the same amount of radiation leaves the Sun in all directions. It takes about eight minutes for the light from the Sun to travel to the Earth."
Thanks for playing, windows2universe.org.
Bill: The sun is a ball of something something gas.
The song is called "Why Does The Sun Shine?" and it begins "The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace." A full version performed by They Might Be Giants can be found by clicking on the question itself.
This answer gives me the chance to share one of the more surreal episodes in my life. The summer between Junior and Senior years of high school in New Hampshire students can apply to be part of the Advanced Studies Program at Saint Paul's School in Concord, NH. You take one "college-level" course plus a writing course. The course I chose to take was in Astronomy; at the time I was more of a science nerd than I am now and had dreams of becoming an astronomer. Anyway, one afternoon our class had to stand in front of the gathered masses in the lunch hall and sing that very song. It was, in a word, weird.
Brett:
The sun is a miasma
Of incandescent plasma
The sun's not simply made out of gas
No, no, no
The sun is a quagmire
It's not made of fire
Forget what you've been told in the past
(Plasma!)
Electrons are free
(Plasma!)
A fourth state of matter
Not gas, not liquid, not solid
The sun is no red dwarf
I hope it never morphs
Into some supernova'd collapsed orb
Orb, orb, orb
The sun is a miasma
Of incandescent plasma
I forget what I was told by myself
Elf, elf, elf
(Plasma!)
Electrons are free
(Plasma!)
A fourth state of matter
Not gas, not liquid, not solid
(Plasma!)
Forget that song
(Plasma!)
They got it wrong
That thesis has been rendered invalid
Thanks, Gobe. As always a nice contribution.
Q: vanessa - Whats the difference between a waspand a hornett? Please provide pictures/links. Thank you.
A: Basically a hornet is a kind of wasp, similar to how a golden retriever is a kind of dog or a square is a kind of rectangle. More precisely a hornet is a social, nesting wasp. The main distinguishing characteristic is that a hornet constructs its nest out of wood pulp. Below are pictures of wasp and hornet respectively:
More information can be found here, here, and here.
Q: Michaele-Lynne - Cornetto
A: What is a frozen ice-cream cone brand? [Ed: When did this become Jeopardy? I'm not sure. Maybe ML mistook me for Alex Trebek. It's easy to do.]
Q: Karyn - Is there any way to get some of those (good) virtual console/wii ware games for free? Are there any that are actually worth what they charge?
A: To do the things you describe you have to hack your Wii, which is something that sounds scary but is actually pretty simple and painless. I'd been thinking about doing it for a while and I used your question as an excuse to do it this afternoon. The goal is to get the "Homebrew Channel" onto your Wii. I started with these instructions I found on my new favorite website Lifehacker. Unfortunately they didn't work for me. I have 4.2U software which for some reason didn't work with the files provided with the instructions. I ended up finding a custom version of the files through these YouTube instructions.
Once the Homebrew Channel is on your Wii there there's one more step. The Homebrew Channel runs off of an SD card. To work on the Wii the card must be formatted as FAT and have a directory called "apps". The first app you need is the Homebrew Browser put out by the good folks at CodeMii. Put it into the apps directory and run it from the Homebrew Channel to get access to all sorts of cool stuff. When you download apps they are placed on that card and you can also go get custom apps off the Internet. Once you have everything installed I recommend reading this article for some tips and tricks about what to do with your newly-hacked Wii. For example, to run emulated games (which is all the Wii's Virtual Console is) you just download an emulator and put the ROM for the game onto that SD card.
As for the last part of your question I can't say whether any of the old games are worth the cost since I haven't bought any yet. Partly this is because I'm a cheapskate but it's also because I have a backlog of actual Wii and GameCube games I'm working through. In the Wii-Ware realm I have played a trivia game and a beer-pong game over at Bill's place and they're pretty entertaining and probably worth the few bucks they cost.
Q: Phil - Will it snow again in Potsdam before graduation this year?
A: Yes. There is typically a spring snowstorm in Potsdam and this year will not be an exception.
Q: Todd Nielson - What do you use to get something you post to, say, Twitter, and have it show up on Facebook, too?
A: I haven't done this in a while, but if I remember correctly it involves linking your Twitter account in Facebook. Check this link for instructions on how to do that. I had the two sites linked for a while but ended up disconnecting them since they serve two different purposes in my life.
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