Q: Jarsh Beckstein - What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
A: According to the movie Hot Shots! Part Deux, he yells "Meeeeee!!!". Of course, this is ridiculous. Geronimo died on February 17th, 1909, only 6 years after the Wright Brothers made the first powered human flight. Thus, it was unlikely that he ever flew on a plane, much less jumped from one. Doing a bit more research I learned that the first parachute jump from an airplane was done by a man named Grant Morton in 1911. Again, this is after Geronimo's death. I will therefore conclude that Geronimo never jumped out of a plane, and therefore never said anything as he did so.
I assume that you're asking this question because of the long-held tradition of yelling "GERONIMO!" when jumping from a great height. I didn't know where this came from, but I dug around a bit and found this site. It's a really interesting story about how the tradition started. Short version: A paratrooper named Private Aubrey Eberhardt and three of his fellow paratroopers watched the movie Geronimo the night before their first jump. Inspired, Private Eberhardt decided to yell out "Geronimo" during the jump as a way of indicating that all was well. The full story is quite interesting, and I recommend reading it.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Why don't we call a banana a yellow?
A: I will assume (two assumptions in one "Ask Mitssob"...a new record) that you're asking this question because the fruit we know as the orange derives its name from its color. Well, an orange is orange starting very early in its development as a fruit, and keeps its color until it turns green because it got covered in mold because you left it in your refrigerator for too long. A banana, on the other hand, starts out green, and then gradually takes on a yellow color, before finally turning brown because, again, you left it in the refrigerator for too long. The lesson: eat your fruit before it goes bad.
Q: Joe Zaffarano - What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A: Congratulations, Joe! You've officially asked the first repeat question in the history of "Ask Mitssob". Your prize? You get to drink from the FIRE HOSE!
No, seriously, you get a brand new answer, from a totally different source. I stumbled onto this page at style.org. The author does a much better job of answering the question than I could ever do, so I'll let him do the talking. Enjoy!
Q: Brett Gobe - Can you cite your sources?
A: Yes.
Q: Eric Democko - what are the origins of Cinco de Mayo? and Cinco de Moustache?
A: Cinco de Mayo is a holiday celebrated in the state of Puebla, Mexico to commemorate a victory by Mexican forces over the French in the Battle of Puebla. It is not a celebration of Mexican independence, which takes place on September 16. The date has taken on significance in America similar to that of St. Patrick's Day. That is, it is used as both a celebration of national pride, and an excuse to drink.
Cinco de Moustache is a party thrown annually on or about the 5th of May by Chris Page. How exactly it came about I'm not sure. I will defer to Page on this one. If he wants to answer in the comments section then he will, otherwise I'll go interview him and get you a more complete answer soon.
Q: Brett Gobe - I WANT THE TRUTH!
A: Not to get overly psychological about this, but have you ever considered the possibility that you might not? The majority of people want to hear that which conforms with their worldview, regardless of how true it is. If the truth clashes with your worldview it can be very disorienting. You may attempt to disregard the truth, or maybe bend the truth to fit your worldview. You may also develop cognitive dissonance, or other psychological problems.
But I believe that you really do want the truth, Gobe. Unfortunately...
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
33 - Answer(s)
Q: Brett Gobe - Why are barns red?
A: In the 1800's the paint used to coat the outside of a barn was made of a mixture of milk, lime, linseed oil, and either iron oxide or lead oxide. It was this last ingredient that gave the barn its classic red color. As commercially produced paints became available, red was apparently the color that was the cheapest to produce, and thus was popular with farmers. As time went on, eventually whitewash became even cheaper, leading many farmers to paint their barns white. Today the color is maintained largely as tradition, though you can find barns of all colors and designs if you go looking hard enough.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Why DO we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
A: I can actually answer this classic question. No, really, I can. Just give me a minute and I think you'll be satisfied.
The answer to the first part of the question can be found by tracing back the meaning of the word "parkway". A parkway was originally a road that lead to and passed through a park or other scenic area. Thus the "park" part of the word "parkway" is literal, which I find interesting. As automobiles became popular new parkways were built. These were usually wide roads with landscaped medians, and while they still often lead to parks they also began to include longer scenic drives. Today a parkway generally means that it serves passenger vehicles only, and there are usually lower speed limits on them than on other highways.
And that's why you drive on a parkway.
The second part of the question is harder. A "driveway" is defined as a private road leading up to one or more buildings. Technically this includes the short little strips of asphalt that are in front of most houses, though I would really classify those as parking spots rather than a real driveway. In fact, that's my answer to the question. You don't really park in your driveway. You drive on your driveway until you reach the parking spots in front of your house.
Satisfied? No? Well I like the answer, and more to the point it's all you're going to get out of me on this one.
Q: Bill Jeffers - HURRY THE FUCK UP AND ANSWER ALREADY!!!
A: Done and done. You know, while you're waiting for my witty answers you should head on over to my newly-established poetry site and sample some of my other writings.
A: In the 1800's the paint used to coat the outside of a barn was made of a mixture of milk, lime, linseed oil, and either iron oxide or lead oxide. It was this last ingredient that gave the barn its classic red color. As commercially produced paints became available, red was apparently the color that was the cheapest to produce, and thus was popular with farmers. As time went on, eventually whitewash became even cheaper, leading many farmers to paint their barns white. Today the color is maintained largely as tradition, though you can find barns of all colors and designs if you go looking hard enough.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Why DO we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
A: I can actually answer this classic question. No, really, I can. Just give me a minute and I think you'll be satisfied.
The answer to the first part of the question can be found by tracing back the meaning of the word "parkway". A parkway was originally a road that lead to and passed through a park or other scenic area. Thus the "park" part of the word "parkway" is literal, which I find interesting. As automobiles became popular new parkways were built. These were usually wide roads with landscaped medians, and while they still often lead to parks they also began to include longer scenic drives. Today a parkway generally means that it serves passenger vehicles only, and there are usually lower speed limits on them than on other highways.
And that's why you drive on a parkway.
The second part of the question is harder. A "driveway" is defined as a private road leading up to one or more buildings. Technically this includes the short little strips of asphalt that are in front of most houses, though I would really classify those as parking spots rather than a real driveway. In fact, that's my answer to the question. You don't really park in your driveway. You drive on your driveway until you reach the parking spots in front of your house.
Satisfied? No? Well I like the answer, and more to the point it's all you're going to get out of me on this one.
Q: Bill Jeffers - HURRY THE FUCK UP AND ANSWER ALREADY!!!
A: Done and done. You know, while you're waiting for my witty answers you should head on over to my newly-established poetry site and sample some of my other writings.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
32 - Answer(s)
Q: Jarsh Beckstein - If not hydrogen in the near future, then what?
A: This topic is a very complicated one. It's hard for me to stay focused on one aspect of it for very long before venturing off to another area. Let me start by talking about current technologies that could be applied to automobiles, and why I think they're either going to stick around or get swept aside. That should lead us to a short-term answer. If I end up on some random tangent, I'll try to get back on track quickly.
But before I talk about the technologies I need to frame this issue a bit by asking a question: what is the point? What is the goal here? Is it to reduce "fossil fuel" emissions? Is it to reduce America's dependance on foreign sources of energy? Is it to stop using "fossil fuels" altogether? I don't have an answer to this question, and because of that the issue becomes hopelessly complicated very quickly. I won't try to answer it here, but I'll keep the question in mind as I continue this answer.
Hydrocarbons
Why do I use the term "hydrocarbons"? Why not just call it "oil" or "fossil fuels"? First, because I like to be technically accurate in my language. I lump in not just gasoline and diesel, but also liquified coal, natural gas, and other more exotic hydrocarbon fuels. Second, because there is a lot of negative stereotyping of the term "fossil fuels". I'm trying to get emotion out of the discussion about energy, even though I know that it's nearly impossible.
I think that these sources of energy will continue to power our automobiles for the near and far terms. There are many reasons, not the least of which is that the world is nowhere near running out of sources of hydrocarbon energy. Another reason is legacy. We drive internal combustion automobiles, and we have over a century of experience in the technologies behind them. Will they continue to be gasoline? I don't think so. There are currently cleaner-burning diesel fuels hitting the market, and the cars that run them are making their way across the pond to America. The other more exotic hydrocarbon fuels may eventually make their way into cars, but that's a little further away.
Ethanol
Ethanol has the advantage of being both a fuel source and an additive to current gasoline fuel systems. This means that a new infrastructure isn't necessary, only an addition to current fuel stations. Unfortunately there are many problems with ethanol that in my opinion will lead to its collapse as a fuel replacement. There are consequences that proponents of ethanol either failed to account for or failed to see coming. The first big one is a spike in food prices as corn that was once slated for human consumption is converted over to fuel. The second is that the growth of the amount of corn it would take for ethanol to become a significant portion of America's fuel supply would require burning a large amount more fossil fuels than currently needed. Third, ethanol puts out more fossil fuel emissions than gasoline alone, at little to no gain in performance.
Ultimately I think that ethanol was jumped on by politicians before the true nature of it was fully understood. This is unfortunate, because it does have some potential, but the technology still needs to be worked out before it is adopted. Other sources of ethanol, such as switchgrass and sugarcane may provide better results than corn. Time will tell, but as far as a true short-term solution I'm not holding my breath.
Electric
Of all the short-term solutions I like this one the best. Electricity can be efficiently generated, and electrically driven cars do not generate any byproducts. They're quiet, clean, and thus have a lot of appeal. There are some technical problems that must be solved before electric vehicles can truly replace hydrocarbon-based cars. The first big one is battery technology. In order for automobiles to be able to run effectively on electricity new and improved technologies must be developed to store that electricity. Currently plug-in electric cars don't have as much range as gasoline or diesel vehicles. Once batteries exist that can store the energy more efficiently, however, electric will take off very quickly.
So what's my final answer? Hydrocarbons will be the source of energy, with a transition over to electric. Am I right? The fun thing about the future is that it hasn't happened yet. We'll just have to wait around and see.
Q: Eric Democko - Who was St. Patrick and why is he so popular?
A: St. Patrick was born in 378AD, and died on March 17th of either 461 or 493 (there is historical debate on that point). He lived in slavery from about age 14 to age 20, escaping after having a dream in which God called him to return to Ireland. He was eventually ordained a bishop and began a life-long quest to bring Christianity to Ireland.
Two interesting things about the man that I learned in my research for this answer. The first is the meaning of the legend of how St. Patrick drove the snakes from Ireland. Like many legends it is not literally true, but rather it serves as a metaphor for how his quest to convert Ireland to Christianity resulted in the ending of various pagan practices, including worshiping serpents. Interesting stuff, and it makes some historical sense. The second is with regards to the shamrock, and why he is associated with it. Apparently he used the shamrock to teach about the holy trinity (the father, son, and holy spirit). It's a simple teaching tool, and again, it makes sense.
For more information, the Catholic Online website has a brief biography of St. Patrick. The Catholic Encyclopedia has a more complete and detailed history of the man.
A: This topic is a very complicated one. It's hard for me to stay focused on one aspect of it for very long before venturing off to another area. Let me start by talking about current technologies that could be applied to automobiles, and why I think they're either going to stick around or get swept aside. That should lead us to a short-term answer. If I end up on some random tangent, I'll try to get back on track quickly.
But before I talk about the technologies I need to frame this issue a bit by asking a question: what is the point? What is the goal here? Is it to reduce "fossil fuel" emissions? Is it to reduce America's dependance on foreign sources of energy? Is it to stop using "fossil fuels" altogether? I don't have an answer to this question, and because of that the issue becomes hopelessly complicated very quickly. I won't try to answer it here, but I'll keep the question in mind as I continue this answer.
Hydrocarbons
Why do I use the term "hydrocarbons"? Why not just call it "oil" or "fossil fuels"? First, because I like to be technically accurate in my language. I lump in not just gasoline and diesel, but also liquified coal, natural gas, and other more exotic hydrocarbon fuels. Second, because there is a lot of negative stereotyping of the term "fossil fuels". I'm trying to get emotion out of the discussion about energy, even though I know that it's nearly impossible.
I think that these sources of energy will continue to power our automobiles for the near and far terms. There are many reasons, not the least of which is that the world is nowhere near running out of sources of hydrocarbon energy. Another reason is legacy. We drive internal combustion automobiles, and we have over a century of experience in the technologies behind them. Will they continue to be gasoline? I don't think so. There are currently cleaner-burning diesel fuels hitting the market, and the cars that run them are making their way across the pond to America. The other more exotic hydrocarbon fuels may eventually make their way into cars, but that's a little further away.
Ethanol
Ethanol has the advantage of being both a fuel source and an additive to current gasoline fuel systems. This means that a new infrastructure isn't necessary, only an addition to current fuel stations. Unfortunately there are many problems with ethanol that in my opinion will lead to its collapse as a fuel replacement. There are consequences that proponents of ethanol either failed to account for or failed to see coming. The first big one is a spike in food prices as corn that was once slated for human consumption is converted over to fuel. The second is that the growth of the amount of corn it would take for ethanol to become a significant portion of America's fuel supply would require burning a large amount more fossil fuels than currently needed. Third, ethanol puts out more fossil fuel emissions than gasoline alone, at little to no gain in performance.
Ultimately I think that ethanol was jumped on by politicians before the true nature of it was fully understood. This is unfortunate, because it does have some potential, but the technology still needs to be worked out before it is adopted. Other sources of ethanol, such as switchgrass and sugarcane may provide better results than corn. Time will tell, but as far as a true short-term solution I'm not holding my breath.
Electric
Of all the short-term solutions I like this one the best. Electricity can be efficiently generated, and electrically driven cars do not generate any byproducts. They're quiet, clean, and thus have a lot of appeal. There are some technical problems that must be solved before electric vehicles can truly replace hydrocarbon-based cars. The first big one is battery technology. In order for automobiles to be able to run effectively on electricity new and improved technologies must be developed to store that electricity. Currently plug-in electric cars don't have as much range as gasoline or diesel vehicles. Once batteries exist that can store the energy more efficiently, however, electric will take off very quickly.
So what's my final answer? Hydrocarbons will be the source of energy, with a transition over to electric. Am I right? The fun thing about the future is that it hasn't happened yet. We'll just have to wait around and see.
Q: Eric Democko - Who was St. Patrick and why is he so popular?
A: St. Patrick was born in 378AD, and died on March 17th of either 461 or 493 (there is historical debate on that point). He lived in slavery from about age 14 to age 20, escaping after having a dream in which God called him to return to Ireland. He was eventually ordained a bishop and began a life-long quest to bring Christianity to Ireland.
Two interesting things about the man that I learned in my research for this answer. The first is the meaning of the legend of how St. Patrick drove the snakes from Ireland. Like many legends it is not literally true, but rather it serves as a metaphor for how his quest to convert Ireland to Christianity resulted in the ending of various pagan practices, including worshiping serpents. Interesting stuff, and it makes some historical sense. The second is with regards to the shamrock, and why he is associated with it. Apparently he used the shamrock to teach about the holy trinity (the father, son, and holy spirit). It's a simple teaching tool, and again, it makes sense.
For more information, the Catholic Online website has a brief biography of St. Patrick. The Catholic Encyclopedia has a more complete and detailed history of the man.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
31 - Answer(s)
Q: Brett Gobe - Are you going to the Wu Tang Clan show at the Armory on 4/20?
A: No.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Damnit, Brett beat me to it...or something. So 420 is supposedly the police code for marijuana, any other cool codes we should know? Like Statutory?
A: First, contrary to popular belief "420" is not the police code for marijuana. For the background on the origins of "420", check out this page at Snopes for a good explanation. Basically, 4:20 was the time that a group of high school students in San Rafael, CA gathered to smoke marijuana after school in 1971. I'm not sure how it entered popular language, but it's here now.
To answer your other question, here is a "nearly-complete" list of police codes. As far as I can find, there is no specific police code for statutory. Which is a bummer because it would have been useful as a title for my band's next album. The codes I find interesting are 59 (Criminal Mischief), 19 (Drunk), 415e (Loud Music or Party), and 23109 (Speed Contest). It's a pretty interesting list, actually.
Q: Joe Zaffarano - Who would win in a fight, Jack Bauer or John McClane?
A: Unfortunately I don't have the time to tackle this one in as much detail as last episode's blockbuster submarine showdown. However, I have been thinking about this question for the past two weeks, and I've got a few observations to make on the subject.
First, let's give some background on the characters. Jack Bauer (Wikipedia page, Fox Profile) is the main character of the TV series 24, played by Kiefer Sutherland. He has held various roles in CTU (the Counter-Terrorist Unit), which is the main organization of the show. He is a man of action, and a well-trained killer. He has used extreme force to extract information from subjects throughout the show's six seasons, and has saved the nation several times. His wife is dead (for spoiler reasons I won't elaborate beyond that), and he has a daughter who is in constant peril throughout the first three seasons (and briefly in the fifth).
John McLane (Wikipedia page) is the main character of the Die Hard movie series. He is the quintessential "right guy in the right place at the right time", though he doesn't ever see it that way at the time in the movies. He is a police officer in the NYPD in all but the second movie (where he is a member of the LAPD). He has built up a great deal of experience in counter-terrorism throughout the four movies, though apparently he has no formal training. He is a man of action who kills without hesitation when called upon to do so. He is divorced from his wife as of the final movie, and he has two children, one of whom factors into the fourth movie.
Now that we've gotten the biographies out of the way, let's get to the fun stuff. First we need to define "fight". As I see it, the two areas of fighting that are the most important are hand-to-hand, and pistols.
Hand-To-Hand Combat
Jack Bauer has extensive training in hand-to-hand combat. He has dispatched of only a few terrorists this way, however. Generally he subdues them instead, then brings them in for questioning. John McLane uses hand-to-hand combat more often than Jack does, but he does so in more of a brawling way. He doesn't seem to have a lot of real training, but he somehow manages to always come out on top. So the battle between them is really a battle of the training of Jack Bauer vs. the luck of John McLane. In my opinion, training wins. Jack Bauer would beat John McLane in hand-to-hand combat, but he would definitely suffer as a result of the encounter.
Pistol Combat
The weapon of choice for both men is the pistol. Jack Bauer has used a pistol (often silenced) to almost super-human effect throughout the history of 24. One joke I've heard is that Jack Bauer never misses, he was just shooting a terrorist several miles away that the viewer can't see. John McLane has similar luck with his pistol. In the third movie he even used a revolver to take down a helicopter. Given the skill (and luck) of both men, I think that this category is a draw (no pun intended). Both of these men are well-trained in the use of their pistols, and I think that it's only a matter of time before one wins. But I have no idea which one that would be. It depends on the terrain, how much ammunition each one has, and how much danger they are in.
Of course, the real answer to this question is "neither". The reason for this is that both of these men are good guys. The good guy cannot lose in a fight. Therefore you have a situation similar to the internet joke about stapling a piece of buttered toast (which always lands butter-side-down) to the back of a cat (which always lands on its feet). Both must hit the ground, and so neither can hit the ground. A fight between these two American icon would be the same way. It would be highly entertaining, however.
Q: Jarsh Beckstein - Is hydrogen power the future of the automobile?
A: Short answer: yes. Long(ish) answer: Not for a long time.
Much of the public and media's focus on hydrogen power has been placed on the direct output of a hydrogen fuel system (namely water). Very little focus has gone into what it takes to get the hydrogen into the fuel system in the first place. Presently hydrogen has many disadvantages to the current fossil fuel system that is currently in place around the world. It is hard to manufacture, hard to transport, and hard to store. You have to expend a tremendous amount of energy just to get the hydrogen in the first place, unlike fossil fuels which must only be refined. Then once you have it, it must be kept super-cooled in order to maintain its liquid form, which makes transportation and storage difficult. Strange as it sounds, gasoline and diesel are safer and easier to transport and store than hydrogen.
Now, in the future will technologies exist to answer these concerns? Yes. Absolutely. These points I'm bringing up are not meant to defend fossil fuels or detract from hydrogen. I'm just trying to explain the situation we have in the world today. And I don't see that situation changing in the near future (which I define as the next 50 years). There are many untapped sources of fossil fuel energy, including tar sands, shale oil (literally squeezing oil from rocks), and deep-ocean reservoirs. The technology exists to extract fossil fuel from these sources, and that technology will only improve. Therefore I believe that the fossil fuel system will remain in place for quite a long time. Will your children be driving hydrogen cars one day? I'd say so. But exactly when is anyone's guess.
Q: Adam Barnello - Why does salt taste so good?
A: Your body needs salt in order to function properly. Therefore your mind tells you that salt tastes good because it knows you need it. Nothing more complicated than that.
A: No.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Damnit, Brett beat me to it...or something. So 420 is supposedly the police code for marijuana, any other cool codes we should know? Like Statutory?
A: First, contrary to popular belief "420" is not the police code for marijuana. For the background on the origins of "420", check out this page at Snopes for a good explanation. Basically, 4:20 was the time that a group of high school students in San Rafael, CA gathered to smoke marijuana after school in 1971. I'm not sure how it entered popular language, but it's here now.
To answer your other question, here is a "nearly-complete" list of police codes. As far as I can find, there is no specific police code for statutory. Which is a bummer because it would have been useful as a title for my band's next album. The codes I find interesting are 59 (Criminal Mischief), 19 (Drunk), 415e (Loud Music or Party), and 23109 (Speed Contest). It's a pretty interesting list, actually.
Q: Joe Zaffarano - Who would win in a fight, Jack Bauer or John McClane?
A: Unfortunately I don't have the time to tackle this one in as much detail as last episode's blockbuster submarine showdown. However, I have been thinking about this question for the past two weeks, and I've got a few observations to make on the subject.
First, let's give some background on the characters. Jack Bauer (Wikipedia page, Fox Profile) is the main character of the TV series 24, played by Kiefer Sutherland. He has held various roles in CTU (the Counter-Terrorist Unit), which is the main organization of the show. He is a man of action, and a well-trained killer. He has used extreme force to extract information from subjects throughout the show's six seasons, and has saved the nation several times. His wife is dead (for spoiler reasons I won't elaborate beyond that), and he has a daughter who is in constant peril throughout the first three seasons (and briefly in the fifth).
John McLane (Wikipedia page) is the main character of the Die Hard movie series. He is the quintessential "right guy in the right place at the right time", though he doesn't ever see it that way at the time in the movies. He is a police officer in the NYPD in all but the second movie (where he is a member of the LAPD). He has built up a great deal of experience in counter-terrorism throughout the four movies, though apparently he has no formal training. He is a man of action who kills without hesitation when called upon to do so. He is divorced from his wife as of the final movie, and he has two children, one of whom factors into the fourth movie.
Now that we've gotten the biographies out of the way, let's get to the fun stuff. First we need to define "fight". As I see it, the two areas of fighting that are the most important are hand-to-hand, and pistols.
Hand-To-Hand Combat
Jack Bauer has extensive training in hand-to-hand combat. He has dispatched of only a few terrorists this way, however. Generally he subdues them instead, then brings them in for questioning. John McLane uses hand-to-hand combat more often than Jack does, but he does so in more of a brawling way. He doesn't seem to have a lot of real training, but he somehow manages to always come out on top. So the battle between them is really a battle of the training of Jack Bauer vs. the luck of John McLane. In my opinion, training wins. Jack Bauer would beat John McLane in hand-to-hand combat, but he would definitely suffer as a result of the encounter.
Pistol Combat
The weapon of choice for both men is the pistol. Jack Bauer has used a pistol (often silenced) to almost super-human effect throughout the history of 24. One joke I've heard is that Jack Bauer never misses, he was just shooting a terrorist several miles away that the viewer can't see. John McLane has similar luck with his pistol. In the third movie he even used a revolver to take down a helicopter. Given the skill (and luck) of both men, I think that this category is a draw (no pun intended). Both of these men are well-trained in the use of their pistols, and I think that it's only a matter of time before one wins. But I have no idea which one that would be. It depends on the terrain, how much ammunition each one has, and how much danger they are in.
Of course, the real answer to this question is "neither". The reason for this is that both of these men are good guys. The good guy cannot lose in a fight. Therefore you have a situation similar to the internet joke about stapling a piece of buttered toast (which always lands butter-side-down) to the back of a cat (which always lands on its feet). Both must hit the ground, and so neither can hit the ground. A fight between these two American icon would be the same way. It would be highly entertaining, however.
Q: Jarsh Beckstein - Is hydrogen power the future of the automobile?
A: Short answer: yes. Long(ish) answer: Not for a long time.
Much of the public and media's focus on hydrogen power has been placed on the direct output of a hydrogen fuel system (namely water). Very little focus has gone into what it takes to get the hydrogen into the fuel system in the first place. Presently hydrogen has many disadvantages to the current fossil fuel system that is currently in place around the world. It is hard to manufacture, hard to transport, and hard to store. You have to expend a tremendous amount of energy just to get the hydrogen in the first place, unlike fossil fuels which must only be refined. Then once you have it, it must be kept super-cooled in order to maintain its liquid form, which makes transportation and storage difficult. Strange as it sounds, gasoline and diesel are safer and easier to transport and store than hydrogen.
Now, in the future will technologies exist to answer these concerns? Yes. Absolutely. These points I'm bringing up are not meant to defend fossil fuels or detract from hydrogen. I'm just trying to explain the situation we have in the world today. And I don't see that situation changing in the near future (which I define as the next 50 years). There are many untapped sources of fossil fuel energy, including tar sands, shale oil (literally squeezing oil from rocks), and deep-ocean reservoirs. The technology exists to extract fossil fuel from these sources, and that technology will only improve. Therefore I believe that the fossil fuel system will remain in place for quite a long time. Will your children be driving hydrogen cars one day? I'd say so. But exactly when is anyone's guess.
Q: Adam Barnello - Why does salt taste so good?
A: Your body needs salt in order to function properly. Therefore your mind tells you that salt tastes good because it knows you need it. Nothing more complicated than that.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
30 - Answer(s)
Q: Bill Jeffers - I know you hate predictions, but what is going to be the next crappy genre of music? Or is everything all used up and we'll be limited to artists sampling other artists sampling other artists forever?
A: I think that the next "crappy" genre of music won't be a distinct genre, but rather a merging of distinct genres into something new. I spent some time listening to pop tunes on the radio to research this question, and what I noticed was a curious blend of country, rock, and R&B. Often times there was an over-produced feel to the song, especially in the bass and drums, which felt very electronic and processed. I think that this trend is likely to continue, though I'm not sure what you'd end up calling the resulting "genre", if anything.
On a side note, I also felt like all the songs were the same, at least in lyrical content. Angst, anger, "my girl/boy left me", etc. There wasn't anything original or particularly interesting in the lyrics. I know that doesn't really depend on the genre, but it's something I noticed as a songwriter.
If I had to guess about a current genre that will make a breakthrough to the mainstream (like swing did in the late 90's) I would guess bluegrass. Seriously. Country is already very popular, and the bluegrass feel could translate very well into the mainstream of pop music. It's different without being TOO different, and is also very danceable. Keep an eye out for it, folks!
To answer the second part of your question, mathematically speaking there are only a certain number of chord arrangements that can be made. Of course that number increases because of the variability in the length of songs, but when you're talking about a typical three-minute pop tune you're pretty boxed in. The good-sounding chord progressions are often taken, and so some artists solve this dilemma by "sampling". I've never liked the concept of sampling. I feel that it's a very lazy practice. Unfortunately the music consuming public does not agree with me, and so I don't think it's going to go anywhere unless there is a public backlash against it. And I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Q: Brett Gobe - Crimson Tide or The Hunt for Red October?
A: First, this is going to be the longest answer in "Ask Mitssob" history. By a long shot. In fact, I was so inspired by this question that I enlisted Allison's help to ensure a more complete answer. Together we came up with a list of categories that the movies should be rated on, ranging from the serious to the slightly disturbing. Then we went through and watched both films and made notes according to those categories. The results of our work follows. Enjoy!
Title
CT: Crimson Tide. What is "Crimson Tide?" A new variety of the detergent? Is it like the red tide? I don't know.
THFRO: The Hunt for Red October. Simple, direct, descriptive, slightly menacing.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Plot
CT: A radical general has taken advantage of tense political situation involving the Russian response to a Chechnian revolt. The US has gotten involved, and a General named Vladimir Radchenko is using this as an excuse to incite conflict. A state of civil war exists in Russia. Against this backdrop the USS Alabama is deployed to the region in case things get out of hand, which they eventually do. The Captain and XO fight for control of the ship when their orders to launch their ICBMs at Russia come into question. (Allison's Plot Summary: The damn printer doesn't work!)
THFRO: At the height of the Cold War a brand-new typhoon-class submarine is taken by a captain intent on defection. The Soviet navy is informed of this by that captain, and send the entire fleet to capture him. Meanwhile a CIA analyst named Jack Ryan, who has studied Ramius, investigates the situation and figures out that Ramius wants to defect. He convinces his superiors of this fact, and helps bring Ramius in. (Allison's Plot Summary: Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen!)
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Cast
CT: Denzel Washington, Gene Hackman, and a slew of "That Guys"
THFRO: Sean Connery, Sam Neill, Alec Baldwin, James Earl Jones, Scott Glenn.
Winner: The top two in Crimson Tide vs. the more rounded-out cast in The Hunt for Red October? I'd say it's a tie.
Protaganist - How strong is the lead character? Not the actor, but the character.
CT: Lieutenant Commander Hunter. He has been assigned to be the new Executive Officer (XO) of the USS Alabama. He is described as an "egghead", and that description fits. He seems to be very smart, and is clearly articulate and well-spoken. When it comes time for action, though, he is quite capable of acting. His conflict with the Captain is the center of focus for the movie.
THFRO: Jack Ryan. A CIA analyst living in London, who learns of a new Soviet submarine and brings that information to the CIA. He is clearly smart, and well-versed in theoretical knowledge. He's not very politically savvy, but he is a good detective.
Winner: The character of Hunter seems more to be about Denzel Washington than the character. Jack Ryan, on the other hand, seems to be a deeper character. That gives him the edge, so The Hunt for Red October wins.
Captain(s) - A ship is only as good as her captain. So how did the captains rate?
CT: Captain Frank Ramsey. He is confident, almost to the point of being arrogant. At first, he seems to want to be a true mentor and teacher to his new XO. He clearly cares about his men; his first speeech to his men consists of short cadence, but it is inspiring and even a little funny at times. But then he starts to show a darker side. He looks down on intellectuals, including his new XO. When the conflict occurs between him and his XO, he starts to get a little unglued. He is single-minded, set in his ways, and that comes through in stark form as the movie progresses. In the end he redeems himself almost completely, and ends up resigning in semi-disgrace.
THFRO: This movie offers two for the price of one!
Marco Ramius - He is a very balanced man. He goes from poetic as the ship leaves harbor to a man of action when he kills the political officer. He gives a good, poetic speech to his crew when he announces their (fake) orders, full of inspiring language. He is a cool-headed man who shows little emotion, and is sparing with explanations. He doesn't really change as the movie progresses. He is able to handle stress and difficulty that his defection causes without changing his personality.
Bart Mancuso - More of a man of action than his Soviet counterpart. He is sarcastic and loose but he still commands great respect from his men. His ship is tight and well run without being overly strict and rigid; he is liked and respected, but not feared. He can handle stress, but shows emotion and isn't afraid to share his opinions.
Winner: Captain Ramsey may be stronger than either Ramius or Mancuso, but not both. The Hunt for Red October wins.
Enemy Sub - Both movies feature a battle with a single enemy submarine.
CT: A Russian Akula-class submarine under the control of General Radchenko. It's just sort of there, hovering sinisterly in the background. The Alabama pretty much wants to avoid it, but when the radio buoy winch fails the sub comes after them. Eventually the Alabama wins, but with a high price.
THFRO: It's the classic student fighting master. A Russian Alpha-class submarine called the Kanevelov, captained by a former pupil of Ramius, is sent to destroy them. It's the ultimate fight in the movie, and ends with the Red October killing the Alpha with its own torpedo.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
"That Guy" - Reserved for the category of guys you see in the movie and shout out, "Hey, it's that guy! You know, from that movie/tv show/commercial/porno".
CT:
- General Radchenko (Spurbury police chief in "Super Troopers")
- Viggo Mortensen ("Hidalgo", "Lord of the Rings", etc)
- Ryan Phillippe (starred in "Cruel Intentions", among others)
- James Gandolfini (Tony Soprano in "The Sopranos")
- Ricky Schroeder (former child star, after this he starred in "NYPD Blue" for a few seasons)
THFRO:
- Skip Typer (The Principal in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off")
- Tim Curry ("Clue", "Muppet Treasure Island", and others) Note: I consider him in the "that guy" hall of fame.
- Cook's Assistant Loganov (Gladiator)
- Captain Tupolov (Bootstrap Bill in "POTC: Dead Man's Chest")
- Foxtrot Bomber guy (LOST)
Winner: Crimson Tide
Career Springboard - How many careers did this movie aid?
CT: The sheer number of "that guys" in this movie translates to a large number of careers. James Gandolfini went on to play Tony Soprano in HBO's hit series, "The Sopranos". Ryan Philippe went on to marry (and divorce) Reese Witherspoon, and also play alongside her in "Cruel Intentions". Viggo Mortensen went on to play Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
THFRO: The "That Guy" cast in this movie didn't move on to bigger and better things, unfortunately. Loganov (the cook's assistant and saboteur) went on to play Quintus in Gladiator, but that's about it.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Token Black Guy(s) - What would a movie be without the TBG (token black guy). He is in the background of the film, contributing, but not TOO much.
CT:
- Lieutenant Westergard (the brother with the moustache): He seems like a good guy, but he's an ally of Captain Ramsey and that makes him bad (but not TOO bad).
- The fat guy who sings and dances. As punishment for trying to stand out, he dies in the flood scene later.
THFRO:
- Sonar Officer Jones: He's into classical music, has a sense of humor, and is very resourceful (but not TOO resourceful).
Winner: Based on the definition of the TGB, Crimson Tide takes it.
Production Value - Did this movie look good?
CT:
- The submarine looks like it's a set, but a pretty good one. For the most part it retains that claustrophobic feel, though at times that's lost.
- As the ship dives, you see a lot of the interior of the ship, with men running everywhere.
- Everybody's sweating, which is realistic.
THFRO:
- Actual stunts, with Alec Baldwin actually going out of the helicopter.
- Big settings, like the sub, the aircraft carrier, the helicopter, and the open ocean.
- The three submarines all have unique looks to them.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Pivotal Scene
CT: The fight between Hunter and the captain over Hunter's refusal to concur the captain's launch command. This scene builds up very well. It starts with Hunter showing the captain the incomplete message, and ends with Hunter relieving the captain of his command. It's a pivotal moment in the film; it represents both a character development moment for Hunter, and a character reveal moment for the Captain.
THFRO: When Captain Mancuso decides to trust Jack Ryan and expose his position to the Red October. The actions of both captains drive the movie from that point on.
Winner:
Because that scene is so important to the movie as a whole, Crimson Tide takes it.
Dinner Sequence - Oddly, both movies feature a key dinner scene.
CT: This happens just after the Alabama gets underway. There are stark contrasts and stereotypes of military types shown among the officers. The power struggle between the XO and the Captain starts here.
THFRO: After dismissing the doctor, all of the officers sit down for a meeting over dinner. They are all smoking, but Captain Ramius is the only one eating. He doesn't speak at all until he has to. "There will be no going back." Then he reveals that "I announced our intention to defect."
Winner: Tie
Standoffs
CT:
- Hunter vs. Captain Ramsey (1): Fight over incomplete EAM that comes in during attack.
- WEAPS vs. Captain: WEAPS refuses to unlock the safe containing the firing trigger. The captain threatens to shoot an innocent seaman in order to get WEAPS to unlock it, which he does.
- Hunter vs. Captain Ramsey (2): Final standoff between Hunter and Ramsey regarding orders to shoot, when Ramsey re-takes the bridge.
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan vs. the Joint Chiefs: "Have you ever met Captain Ramius, General?"
- Jack Ryan vs. Captain Mancuso: Jack tries to convince the captain, gets threatened with death, then lies to him in order to get him to cooperate.
- Captain vs. Captain on the Red October: Ramius orders Jack to turn the submarine into the path of an incoming torpedo, which causes Mancuso great distress.
Winner: Since the entire point of the movie is the standoffs, I'll give this one to Crimson Tide.
Submarine Movie Cliches - All submarine movies (or movies that have submarines in them, for that matter) must have certain cliches. Which did these have?
CT:
- Blue/red lights. This is such a cliche that the Simpsons parodied it in their Crimson Tide episode with the line, "We're down to mood lighting here!"
- Holy shit something's on sonar!
- Flooding
- Close hatch, thus dooming a few to save the ship
- Depth/pressure danger
- Launch Countermeasures!
THFRO:
- Blue lights on the Alpha, yellow lights on the Red October, red lights on the Dallas.
- Launch Countermeasures!
- Ping sound from the torpedo.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Death Scenes
CT:
- Early on there is a fire in the galley, and a Petty Officer has heart attack as a result. The medical officer gives CPR, but the Petty Officer dies anyway. The music under the scene is light, and quite effective.
- After the Alabama nearly gets hit by a torpedo, the bilge bay floods. One of the men down there takes a pipe-cover to the face, and shortly afterwards they all drown when Ricky Schroeder seals the section off. Once again, the music is used to great effect.
THFRO:
- Captain Ramius kills the political officer in his quarters after unlocking their orders. It was surprising, both to the audience and to the political officer, who died with a look of shock on his face.
- Just after the torpedo breaks apart on the hull of the Red October, the cook's assistant comes onto the bridge and opens fire. Borodin takes a bullet for Ramius, and dies with the famous last words: "I would like to have seen Montana."
- Jack Ryan finally catches the cook's assistant in the missile compartment. Ryan shoots him in the chest several times, ending that crisis.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Tricks and Strategems (or Best Use of Submarine)
CT:
- Staying hidden from the Russian enemy sub.
THFRO:
- The Dallas staying in the Red October's "baffles", meaning behind the enemy sub so it can't hear.
- High-speed run of the underwater canyons by the Red October.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Music
CT: Overall the music is fairly constant without being too distracting. The main theme of the movie is by Hans Zimmer, and is quite moving. Moonlight Sonata is playing when Hunter and Ramsey meet for the first time, which sets an interesting mood for the scene. Finally, the Navy Hymn is used to great effect, both during the ships first dive and when Hunter gives the order that kills three of his men.
THFRO: There is singing in Russian (sorry, I don't know the song) over the opening credits while we see naval studies by Jack Ryan. Later there is an important scene involving the whole crew of the Red October singing the Soviet National Anthem.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Ending - So how did the movie wrap up? Did the ship sink?
CT: The orders to fire ICBMs were called off, and that message finally gets through to the Alabama. Captain Ramsey retires, but not before recommending that Lt. Cmdr Hunter get his next command as soon as possible. Meanwhile the Russian civil war fizzles, and all is right with the world again.
THFRO: Captain Ramius and his officers, with the help of Jack Ryan and the crew of the Dallas, succeed in defecting to America. They hide the Red October in a river in Maine. Captain Ramius and Jack Ryan sing a duet of "Old Man River." OK, that didn't happen. But it should have.
Winner: To be honest, I'm not thrilled with the endings of either movie. It's a tie.
Favorite Quote
CT:
Captain Ramsey: Yeah, horses're fascinating animals. Dumb as fenceposts but very intuitive. In that way they're not too different from high school girls: they may not have a brain in their head but they do know all the boys want to fuck 'em.
THFRO:
Admiral Painter (Fred Thompson): Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan.
Winner: One reason I couldn't take Fred Thompson seriously as a presidential candidate is that every time I saw him, that line popped into my head. The Hunt for Red October wins on that fact alone.
General Humor
CT:
- Captain Ramsey: If someone asked me if we should bomb Japan, a simple "Yes." By all means sir, drop that fucker, twice!
- Captain Ramsey: Their training program is simplicity itself. You just stick a cattle prod up their ass and you can get a horse to deal cards.
THFRO:
- Captain Ramius: "Anatoli? You're afraid of our fleet? Well you should be. Personally, I give us one chance in three. More tea anyone?"
- Navigator aboard the plane Jack flies to the aircraft carrier: What's the matter Commander? You don't like flying, huh? Aw, this is nothing! You should've been with us five, six months ago! Whoa! You talk about puke! We ran into a hailstorm over the Sea of Japan. Everybody's retching their guts out! The pilot shot his lunch all over the windshield, and I barfed on the radio! Shorted it out completely! And it wasn't that lightweight stuff either, it was that chunky industrial weight puke! Here, want a bite?
- Captain Mancuso: "My morse is so rusty I might be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the month."
- At two points throughout the movie Jack Ryan imitates voices. This always cracks me up.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Homoerotic Overtones - This is rated on a 1 to 10 scale, 1 being mild innuendo, 10 being "break out the astroglide".
CT:
- Weaps (Viggo Mortenson) says to his fellow officers of Lt. Cmdr Hunter, "We're lucky to have him." The look that he gives is very suggestive. Rating: 4
- "No-where to run to" song, sung by one of the token black guys, dancing and singing into a flashlight, surrounded by smoking and shirtless men. Rating: 6
- WEAPS is ironing a shirt while talking with Hunter. At the end of the scene Hunter asks, "Do you do pants too?" Rating: 2
THFRO:
- Political officer waiting for Ramius in his quarters, reading his diary. Ramius responds by killing him. Kinky... Rating: 3
- Jack Ryan taking a shower onboard the aircraft carrier. Rating: 3
- Borodin and Captain Ramius in Ramius' quarters. Their discussion covers what they wish for in the future. After Borodin claims to want to marry a "round American woman", Ramius responds by saying he has "no such desires." Is he trying to say something? Maybe... Rating: 4
- Just after the Americans go aboard the Red October, there are yellow lights flashing. It reminds me of a discotheque. Rating: 1
Winner: Crimson Tide
Awkward Moments - The moments in the movie where you have to stop and say, "Um, what?"
CT:
- Dog peeing. I thought subs were supposed to be clean and well maintained.
- Captain addressing crew about low morale based on Hunter's comments. He manages to berate them quite well, and probably drives morale further down.
- Captain loudly telling Hunter to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" on the bridge, after talking quietly and reasonably up until that point.
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan telling Admiral Greer that his daughter suggested that he (Jack) "buy her baby brother." Then he says he'll buy one for Stanley, causing Greer to ask very seriously, "Who's Stanley?" Jack respond's "Stanley's a bear." The whole exchange is very awkwardly done, and feels, well, weird.
- After Jack briefs the National Security Advisor and the Joint Chiefs, the National Security Advisor tells Jack he will be going to investigate his theory. He tells Jack that he can't send any of the Joint Chiefs, partly because they don't believe Jack's theory, and that Jack is "expendable?"
- The long, awkward standoff between Americans and the Soviets onboard the Red October. It goes on for several seconds too long.
- After ordering Jack to turn the Red October into the path of an oncoming torpedo, Ramius then proceeds to tell Jack that his book sucks.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Star Trek Connection
CT:
Just before he is taken into custody by the Captain, Hunter goes and visits the communications room. He has a heart-to-heart with Vossler, who was left in charge when the head officer (who is loyal to the Captain) disappears. Hunter proceeds to put their situation in terms of Star Trek. "I'm Captain Kirk, you're Scotty, and I need warp speed."
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan's wife is Gates McFadden, aka Dr. Beverly Crusher.
- The captain aboard the aircraft carrier plays Professor Moriarty in two episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
- It's also posssible (though unconfirmed) that the guy driving the DSRV plays Data's first officer during Data's brief stint as captain of a starship.
Winner: The Hunt For Red October
Linguistic Fakery - For excellence (or non-excellence) in faking an accent.
CT:
- Rivetti (the sonar officer): Italian/Brooklynese kid on a sub full of Southerners. He may or may not be faking, but it sure is out of place. And annoying.
- General Radchenko: He doesn't have many lines (maybe two), but they're pulled off with typical Russian bombast.
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan's wife has exactly two lines (see the next category). She uses a British accent for the first line, and American for the second. I guess she had to squeeze in her full range.
- The Captain of the aircraft carrier is played by a British guy, but it's hard to tell.
- Sam Neill (another Brit) manages to do a pretty convincing Russian accent throughout the whole movie.
- Sean Connery does not.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Get Back in the Kitchen (or They Have Female Singers and Female Motorists) - Women do not play a significant role in either movie. Actually, that's a gross understatement. Between the two films, female characters contribute a grand total of eight sentences. And they suck. Below is the full female contribution for both movies.
CT:
- Hunter's Wife (Nancy?), as Hunter is about to get out of their car and board the submarine: "Just say goodbye."
THFRO:
- Cathy Ryan: "No more of the usual nonsense; two stories, two glasses of water. Jack, you're going to miss your plane."
- Stewardess: "More coffee, sir?" "You know, if you try to get some sleep the flight will go a lot faster." "Pardon?" "Well, try and get some sleep anyway."
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Suck-ed-in-edness - How likely would you be to stop and watch if you come across this movie on basic cable?
CT: Kinda likely
THFRO: Very likely
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Best Hair
CT: Viggo Mortenson had a flat top you could cut cheese on.
THFRO: Sean Connery's hair seemed to be an extension of a ushanka, which is a stereotypical Russian hat (also called shapka).
Winner: Crimson Tide
Animal Cruelty
CT: Captain Ramsey had a Jack Russell Terrier named Bear. This dog traveled everywhere with the Captain, and was a constant companion. The dog accepted the new XO, and also growled and barked at certain characters when called upon.
THFRO:
- In the first scene aboard the Dallas, Jones uses whales near the Dallas while training the sonarman.
- Borodin indicated a desire to raise rabbits for the express purpose of consuming them.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Best Use of Font
CT: The informational font is a little large, and also a bit sterile.
THFRO: The opening sequence uses a very official-looking typographical font, which gives it a menacing quality. Also, the title is first shown in its original Cyrillic spelling, before blurring into English.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
MacGyver Moment
CT: Vossler and his men working hard to fix the radio against the backdrop of possible nuclear war and a power struggle onboard the submarine. No pressure or anything.
THFRO: Jones listens to his tape recording of the Red October and determines that the "magma displacement" is actually a Soviet Sub.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Tobacco Company Sponsorship
CT:
- Smoking cigars on deck before submerging.
- Smoking during officer's dinner (both cigars and cigarettes)
- Cigarettes at weapons area
THFRO:
- Smoking at dinner, all over the place on the Red October.
- Jack's first cigarette, coughs, turns green.
Winner: Just for sheer volume, The Hunt for Red October wins.
After watching this movie, will you want to shoot a Soviet/Russian in name of your country? - A basic gauge of your feelings of patriotism after watching the movie.
CT: Not really. You might want to hunt down the General, but the average Russian soldier is portrayed as more of a victim than an active participant in the civil war underway.
THFRO: Yes, sir. Absolutely. Shoot that fucker. Twice.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Final Tally:
Crimson Tide - 11
The Hunt for Red October - 18
Tie - 3
My answer? The Hunt for Red October. Thanks again to Allison for all of her help with this answer.
A: I think that the next "crappy" genre of music won't be a distinct genre, but rather a merging of distinct genres into something new. I spent some time listening to pop tunes on the radio to research this question, and what I noticed was a curious blend of country, rock, and R&B. Often times there was an over-produced feel to the song, especially in the bass and drums, which felt very electronic and processed. I think that this trend is likely to continue, though I'm not sure what you'd end up calling the resulting "genre", if anything.
On a side note, I also felt like all the songs were the same, at least in lyrical content. Angst, anger, "my girl/boy left me", etc. There wasn't anything original or particularly interesting in the lyrics. I know that doesn't really depend on the genre, but it's something I noticed as a songwriter.
If I had to guess about a current genre that will make a breakthrough to the mainstream (like swing did in the late 90's) I would guess bluegrass. Seriously. Country is already very popular, and the bluegrass feel could translate very well into the mainstream of pop music. It's different without being TOO different, and is also very danceable. Keep an eye out for it, folks!
To answer the second part of your question, mathematically speaking there are only a certain number of chord arrangements that can be made. Of course that number increases because of the variability in the length of songs, but when you're talking about a typical three-minute pop tune you're pretty boxed in. The good-sounding chord progressions are often taken, and so some artists solve this dilemma by "sampling". I've never liked the concept of sampling. I feel that it's a very lazy practice. Unfortunately the music consuming public does not agree with me, and so I don't think it's going to go anywhere unless there is a public backlash against it. And I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Q: Brett Gobe - Crimson Tide or The Hunt for Red October?
A: First, this is going to be the longest answer in "Ask Mitssob" history. By a long shot. In fact, I was so inspired by this question that I enlisted Allison's help to ensure a more complete answer. Together we came up with a list of categories that the movies should be rated on, ranging from the serious to the slightly disturbing. Then we went through and watched both films and made notes according to those categories. The results of our work follows. Enjoy!
Title
CT: Crimson Tide. What is "Crimson Tide?" A new variety of the detergent? Is it like the red tide? I don't know.
THFRO: The Hunt for Red October. Simple, direct, descriptive, slightly menacing.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Plot
CT: A radical general has taken advantage of tense political situation involving the Russian response to a Chechnian revolt. The US has gotten involved, and a General named Vladimir Radchenko is using this as an excuse to incite conflict. A state of civil war exists in Russia. Against this backdrop the USS Alabama is deployed to the region in case things get out of hand, which they eventually do. The Captain and XO fight for control of the ship when their orders to launch their ICBMs at Russia come into question. (Allison's Plot Summary: The damn printer doesn't work!)
THFRO: At the height of the Cold War a brand-new typhoon-class submarine is taken by a captain intent on defection. The Soviet navy is informed of this by that captain, and send the entire fleet to capture him. Meanwhile a CIA analyst named Jack Ryan, who has studied Ramius, investigates the situation and figures out that Ramius wants to defect. He convinces his superiors of this fact, and helps bring Ramius in. (Allison's Plot Summary: Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen!)
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Cast
CT: Denzel Washington, Gene Hackman, and a slew of "That Guys"
THFRO: Sean Connery, Sam Neill, Alec Baldwin, James Earl Jones, Scott Glenn.
Winner: The top two in Crimson Tide vs. the more rounded-out cast in The Hunt for Red October? I'd say it's a tie.
Protaganist - How strong is the lead character? Not the actor, but the character.
CT: Lieutenant Commander Hunter. He has been assigned to be the new Executive Officer (XO) of the USS Alabama. He is described as an "egghead", and that description fits. He seems to be very smart, and is clearly articulate and well-spoken. When it comes time for action, though, he is quite capable of acting. His conflict with the Captain is the center of focus for the movie.
THFRO: Jack Ryan. A CIA analyst living in London, who learns of a new Soviet submarine and brings that information to the CIA. He is clearly smart, and well-versed in theoretical knowledge. He's not very politically savvy, but he is a good detective.
Winner: The character of Hunter seems more to be about Denzel Washington than the character. Jack Ryan, on the other hand, seems to be a deeper character. That gives him the edge, so The Hunt for Red October wins.
Captain(s) - A ship is only as good as her captain. So how did the captains rate?
CT: Captain Frank Ramsey. He is confident, almost to the point of being arrogant. At first, he seems to want to be a true mentor and teacher to his new XO. He clearly cares about his men; his first speeech to his men consists of short cadence, but it is inspiring and even a little funny at times. But then he starts to show a darker side. He looks down on intellectuals, including his new XO. When the conflict occurs between him and his XO, he starts to get a little unglued. He is single-minded, set in his ways, and that comes through in stark form as the movie progresses. In the end he redeems himself almost completely, and ends up resigning in semi-disgrace.
THFRO: This movie offers two for the price of one!
Marco Ramius - He is a very balanced man. He goes from poetic as the ship leaves harbor to a man of action when he kills the political officer. He gives a good, poetic speech to his crew when he announces their (fake) orders, full of inspiring language. He is a cool-headed man who shows little emotion, and is sparing with explanations. He doesn't really change as the movie progresses. He is able to handle stress and difficulty that his defection causes without changing his personality.
Bart Mancuso - More of a man of action than his Soviet counterpart. He is sarcastic and loose but he still commands great respect from his men. His ship is tight and well run without being overly strict and rigid; he is liked and respected, but not feared. He can handle stress, but shows emotion and isn't afraid to share his opinions.
Winner: Captain Ramsey may be stronger than either Ramius or Mancuso, but not both. The Hunt for Red October wins.
Enemy Sub - Both movies feature a battle with a single enemy submarine.
CT: A Russian Akula-class submarine under the control of General Radchenko. It's just sort of there, hovering sinisterly in the background. The Alabama pretty much wants to avoid it, but when the radio buoy winch fails the sub comes after them. Eventually the Alabama wins, but with a high price.
THFRO: It's the classic student fighting master. A Russian Alpha-class submarine called the Kanevelov, captained by a former pupil of Ramius, is sent to destroy them. It's the ultimate fight in the movie, and ends with the Red October killing the Alpha with its own torpedo.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
"That Guy" - Reserved for the category of guys you see in the movie and shout out, "Hey, it's that guy! You know, from that movie/tv show/commercial/porno".
CT:
- General Radchenko (Spurbury police chief in "Super Troopers")
- Viggo Mortensen ("Hidalgo", "Lord of the Rings", etc)
- Ryan Phillippe (starred in "Cruel Intentions", among others)
- James Gandolfini (Tony Soprano in "The Sopranos")
- Ricky Schroeder (former child star, after this he starred in "NYPD Blue" for a few seasons)
THFRO:
- Skip Typer (The Principal in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off")
- Tim Curry ("Clue", "Muppet Treasure Island", and others) Note: I consider him in the "that guy" hall of fame.
- Cook's Assistant Loganov (Gladiator)
- Captain Tupolov (Bootstrap Bill in "POTC: Dead Man's Chest")
- Foxtrot Bomber guy (LOST)
Winner: Crimson Tide
Career Springboard - How many careers did this movie aid?
CT: The sheer number of "that guys" in this movie translates to a large number of careers. James Gandolfini went on to play Tony Soprano in HBO's hit series, "The Sopranos". Ryan Philippe went on to marry (and divorce) Reese Witherspoon, and also play alongside her in "Cruel Intentions". Viggo Mortensen went on to play Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
THFRO: The "That Guy" cast in this movie didn't move on to bigger and better things, unfortunately. Loganov (the cook's assistant and saboteur) went on to play Quintus in Gladiator, but that's about it.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Token Black Guy(s) - What would a movie be without the TBG (token black guy). He is in the background of the film, contributing, but not TOO much.
CT:
- Lieutenant Westergard (the brother with the moustache): He seems like a good guy, but he's an ally of Captain Ramsey and that makes him bad (but not TOO bad).
- The fat guy who sings and dances. As punishment for trying to stand out, he dies in the flood scene later.
THFRO:
- Sonar Officer Jones: He's into classical music, has a sense of humor, and is very resourceful (but not TOO resourceful).
Winner: Based on the definition of the TGB, Crimson Tide takes it.
Production Value - Did this movie look good?
CT:
- The submarine looks like it's a set, but a pretty good one. For the most part it retains that claustrophobic feel, though at times that's lost.
- As the ship dives, you see a lot of the interior of the ship, with men running everywhere.
- Everybody's sweating, which is realistic.
THFRO:
- Actual stunts, with Alec Baldwin actually going out of the helicopter.
- Big settings, like the sub, the aircraft carrier, the helicopter, and the open ocean.
- The three submarines all have unique looks to them.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Pivotal Scene
CT: The fight between Hunter and the captain over Hunter's refusal to concur the captain's launch command. This scene builds up very well. It starts with Hunter showing the captain the incomplete message, and ends with Hunter relieving the captain of his command. It's a pivotal moment in the film; it represents both a character development moment for Hunter, and a character reveal moment for the Captain.
THFRO: When Captain Mancuso decides to trust Jack Ryan and expose his position to the Red October. The actions of both captains drive the movie from that point on.
Winner:
Because that scene is so important to the movie as a whole, Crimson Tide takes it.
Dinner Sequence - Oddly, both movies feature a key dinner scene.
CT: This happens just after the Alabama gets underway. There are stark contrasts and stereotypes of military types shown among the officers. The power struggle between the XO and the Captain starts here.
THFRO: After dismissing the doctor, all of the officers sit down for a meeting over dinner. They are all smoking, but Captain Ramius is the only one eating. He doesn't speak at all until he has to. "There will be no going back." Then he reveals that "I announced our intention to defect."
Winner: Tie
Standoffs
CT:
- Hunter vs. Captain Ramsey (1): Fight over incomplete EAM that comes in during attack.
- WEAPS vs. Captain: WEAPS refuses to unlock the safe containing the firing trigger. The captain threatens to shoot an innocent seaman in order to get WEAPS to unlock it, which he does.
- Hunter vs. Captain Ramsey (2): Final standoff between Hunter and Ramsey regarding orders to shoot, when Ramsey re-takes the bridge.
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan vs. the Joint Chiefs: "Have you ever met Captain Ramius, General?"
- Jack Ryan vs. Captain Mancuso: Jack tries to convince the captain, gets threatened with death, then lies to him in order to get him to cooperate.
- Captain vs. Captain on the Red October: Ramius orders Jack to turn the submarine into the path of an incoming torpedo, which causes Mancuso great distress.
Winner: Since the entire point of the movie is the standoffs, I'll give this one to Crimson Tide.
Submarine Movie Cliches - All submarine movies (or movies that have submarines in them, for that matter) must have certain cliches. Which did these have?
CT:
- Blue/red lights. This is such a cliche that the Simpsons parodied it in their Crimson Tide episode with the line, "We're down to mood lighting here!"
- Holy shit something's on sonar!
- Flooding
- Close hatch, thus dooming a few to save the ship
- Depth/pressure danger
- Launch Countermeasures!
THFRO:
- Blue lights on the Alpha, yellow lights on the Red October, red lights on the Dallas.
- Launch Countermeasures!
- Ping sound from the torpedo.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Death Scenes
CT:
- Early on there is a fire in the galley, and a Petty Officer has heart attack as a result. The medical officer gives CPR, but the Petty Officer dies anyway. The music under the scene is light, and quite effective.
- After the Alabama nearly gets hit by a torpedo, the bilge bay floods. One of the men down there takes a pipe-cover to the face, and shortly afterwards they all drown when Ricky Schroeder seals the section off. Once again, the music is used to great effect.
THFRO:
- Captain Ramius kills the political officer in his quarters after unlocking their orders. It was surprising, both to the audience and to the political officer, who died with a look of shock on his face.
- Just after the torpedo breaks apart on the hull of the Red October, the cook's assistant comes onto the bridge and opens fire. Borodin takes a bullet for Ramius, and dies with the famous last words: "I would like to have seen Montana."
- Jack Ryan finally catches the cook's assistant in the missile compartment. Ryan shoots him in the chest several times, ending that crisis.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Tricks and Strategems (or Best Use of Submarine)
CT:
- Staying hidden from the Russian enemy sub.
THFRO:
- The Dallas staying in the Red October's "baffles", meaning behind the enemy sub so it can't hear.
- High-speed run of the underwater canyons by the Red October.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Music
CT: Overall the music is fairly constant without being too distracting. The main theme of the movie is by Hans Zimmer, and is quite moving. Moonlight Sonata is playing when Hunter and Ramsey meet for the first time, which sets an interesting mood for the scene. Finally, the Navy Hymn is used to great effect, both during the ships first dive and when Hunter gives the order that kills three of his men.
THFRO: There is singing in Russian (sorry, I don't know the song) over the opening credits while we see naval studies by Jack Ryan. Later there is an important scene involving the whole crew of the Red October singing the Soviet National Anthem.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Ending - So how did the movie wrap up? Did the ship sink?
CT: The orders to fire ICBMs were called off, and that message finally gets through to the Alabama. Captain Ramsey retires, but not before recommending that Lt. Cmdr Hunter get his next command as soon as possible. Meanwhile the Russian civil war fizzles, and all is right with the world again.
THFRO: Captain Ramius and his officers, with the help of Jack Ryan and the crew of the Dallas, succeed in defecting to America. They hide the Red October in a river in Maine. Captain Ramius and Jack Ryan sing a duet of "Old Man River." OK, that didn't happen. But it should have.
Winner: To be honest, I'm not thrilled with the endings of either movie. It's a tie.
Favorite Quote
CT:
Captain Ramsey: Yeah, horses're fascinating animals. Dumb as fenceposts but very intuitive. In that way they're not too different from high school girls: they may not have a brain in their head but they do know all the boys want to fuck 'em.
THFRO:
Admiral Painter (Fred Thompson): Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan.
Winner: One reason I couldn't take Fred Thompson seriously as a presidential candidate is that every time I saw him, that line popped into my head. The Hunt for Red October wins on that fact alone.
General Humor
CT:
- Captain Ramsey: If someone asked me if we should bomb Japan, a simple "Yes." By all means sir, drop that fucker, twice!
- Captain Ramsey: Their training program is simplicity itself. You just stick a cattle prod up their ass and you can get a horse to deal cards.
THFRO:
- Captain Ramius: "Anatoli? You're afraid of our fleet? Well you should be. Personally, I give us one chance in three. More tea anyone?"
- Navigator aboard the plane Jack flies to the aircraft carrier: What's the matter Commander? You don't like flying, huh? Aw, this is nothing! You should've been with us five, six months ago! Whoa! You talk about puke! We ran into a hailstorm over the Sea of Japan. Everybody's retching their guts out! The pilot shot his lunch all over the windshield, and I barfed on the radio! Shorted it out completely! And it wasn't that lightweight stuff either, it was that chunky industrial weight puke! Here, want a bite?
- Captain Mancuso: "My morse is so rusty I might be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the month."
- At two points throughout the movie Jack Ryan imitates voices. This always cracks me up.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Homoerotic Overtones - This is rated on a 1 to 10 scale, 1 being mild innuendo, 10 being "break out the astroglide".
CT:
- Weaps (Viggo Mortenson) says to his fellow officers of Lt. Cmdr Hunter, "We're lucky to have him." The look that he gives is very suggestive. Rating: 4
- "No-where to run to" song, sung by one of the token black guys, dancing and singing into a flashlight, surrounded by smoking and shirtless men. Rating: 6
- WEAPS is ironing a shirt while talking with Hunter. At the end of the scene Hunter asks, "Do you do pants too?" Rating: 2
THFRO:
- Political officer waiting for Ramius in his quarters, reading his diary. Ramius responds by killing him. Kinky... Rating: 3
- Jack Ryan taking a shower onboard the aircraft carrier. Rating: 3
- Borodin and Captain Ramius in Ramius' quarters. Their discussion covers what they wish for in the future. After Borodin claims to want to marry a "round American woman", Ramius responds by saying he has "no such desires." Is he trying to say something? Maybe... Rating: 4
- Just after the Americans go aboard the Red October, there are yellow lights flashing. It reminds me of a discotheque. Rating: 1
Winner: Crimson Tide
Awkward Moments - The moments in the movie where you have to stop and say, "Um, what?"
CT:
- Dog peeing. I thought subs were supposed to be clean and well maintained.
- Captain addressing crew about low morale based on Hunter's comments. He manages to berate them quite well, and probably drives morale further down.
- Captain loudly telling Hunter to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" on the bridge, after talking quietly and reasonably up until that point.
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan telling Admiral Greer that his daughter suggested that he (Jack) "buy her baby brother." Then he says he'll buy one for Stanley, causing Greer to ask very seriously, "Who's Stanley?" Jack respond's "Stanley's a bear." The whole exchange is very awkwardly done, and feels, well, weird.
- After Jack briefs the National Security Advisor and the Joint Chiefs, the National Security Advisor tells Jack he will be going to investigate his theory. He tells Jack that he can't send any of the Joint Chiefs, partly because they don't believe Jack's theory, and that Jack is "expendable?"
- The long, awkward standoff between Americans and the Soviets onboard the Red October. It goes on for several seconds too long.
- After ordering Jack to turn the Red October into the path of an oncoming torpedo, Ramius then proceeds to tell Jack that his book sucks.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Star Trek Connection
CT:
Just before he is taken into custody by the Captain, Hunter goes and visits the communications room. He has a heart-to-heart with Vossler, who was left in charge when the head officer (who is loyal to the Captain) disappears. Hunter proceeds to put their situation in terms of Star Trek. "I'm Captain Kirk, you're Scotty, and I need warp speed."
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan's wife is Gates McFadden, aka Dr. Beverly Crusher.
- The captain aboard the aircraft carrier plays Professor Moriarty in two episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
- It's also posssible (though unconfirmed) that the guy driving the DSRV plays Data's first officer during Data's brief stint as captain of a starship.
Winner: The Hunt For Red October
Linguistic Fakery - For excellence (or non-excellence) in faking an accent.
CT:
- Rivetti (the sonar officer): Italian/Brooklynese kid on a sub full of Southerners. He may or may not be faking, but it sure is out of place. And annoying.
- General Radchenko: He doesn't have many lines (maybe two), but they're pulled off with typical Russian bombast.
THFRO:
- Jack Ryan's wife has exactly two lines (see the next category). She uses a British accent for the first line, and American for the second. I guess she had to squeeze in her full range.
- The Captain of the aircraft carrier is played by a British guy, but it's hard to tell.
- Sam Neill (another Brit) manages to do a pretty convincing Russian accent throughout the whole movie.
- Sean Connery does not.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Get Back in the Kitchen (or They Have Female Singers and Female Motorists) - Women do not play a significant role in either movie. Actually, that's a gross understatement. Between the two films, female characters contribute a grand total of eight sentences. And they suck. Below is the full female contribution for both movies.
CT:
- Hunter's Wife (Nancy?), as Hunter is about to get out of their car and board the submarine: "Just say goodbye."
THFRO:
- Cathy Ryan: "No more of the usual nonsense; two stories, two glasses of water. Jack, you're going to miss your plane."
- Stewardess: "More coffee, sir?" "You know, if you try to get some sleep the flight will go a lot faster." "Pardon?" "Well, try and get some sleep anyway."
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Suck-ed-in-edness - How likely would you be to stop and watch if you come across this movie on basic cable?
CT: Kinda likely
THFRO: Very likely
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Best Hair
CT: Viggo Mortenson had a flat top you could cut cheese on.
THFRO: Sean Connery's hair seemed to be an extension of a ushanka, which is a stereotypical Russian hat (also called shapka).
Winner: Crimson Tide
Animal Cruelty
CT: Captain Ramsey had a Jack Russell Terrier named Bear. This dog traveled everywhere with the Captain, and was a constant companion. The dog accepted the new XO, and also growled and barked at certain characters when called upon.
THFRO:
- In the first scene aboard the Dallas, Jones uses whales near the Dallas while training the sonarman.
- Borodin indicated a desire to raise rabbits for the express purpose of consuming them.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Best Use of Font
CT: The informational font is a little large, and also a bit sterile.
THFRO: The opening sequence uses a very official-looking typographical font, which gives it a menacing quality. Also, the title is first shown in its original Cyrillic spelling, before blurring into English.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
MacGyver Moment
CT: Vossler and his men working hard to fix the radio against the backdrop of possible nuclear war and a power struggle onboard the submarine. No pressure or anything.
THFRO: Jones listens to his tape recording of the Red October and determines that the "magma displacement" is actually a Soviet Sub.
Winner: Crimson Tide
Tobacco Company Sponsorship
CT:
- Smoking cigars on deck before submerging.
- Smoking during officer's dinner (both cigars and cigarettes)
- Cigarettes at weapons area
THFRO:
- Smoking at dinner, all over the place on the Red October.
- Jack's first cigarette, coughs, turns green.
Winner: Just for sheer volume, The Hunt for Red October wins.
After watching this movie, will you want to shoot a Soviet/Russian in name of your country? - A basic gauge of your feelings of patriotism after watching the movie.
CT: Not really. You might want to hunt down the General, but the average Russian soldier is portrayed as more of a victim than an active participant in the civil war underway.
THFRO: Yes, sir. Absolutely. Shoot that fucker. Twice.
Winner: The Hunt for Red October
Final Tally:
Crimson Tide - 11
The Hunt for Red October - 18
Tie - 3
My answer? The Hunt for Red October. Thanks again to Allison for all of her help with this answer.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
29 - Answer(s)
Q: Brett Gobe - When the Patriots lose the Super Bowl, will the still be the greatest team ever?
A: I've never heard of a team called "The Still". As far as I know, no sports franchise in any major market is called "The Still", so I don't think they could be considered the greatest team ever. I mean, they have just as much right to be considered the greatest team ever if they exist but...
Oh, wait, that was a typo? Sorry, my bad.
During the ramp-up to the Super Bowl, many sports pundits were speaking of the 2007 Patriots as the greatest team ever. I will admit that I was one of those who was boasting about the greatness of my team. It was natural. I was proud, happy, and a cocky son of a bitch. Now, did I ever think during that time that the Patriots were the greatest team ever? Honestly? No. And not because the Patriots were not great. But "the greatest team ever" is too subjective of a question to be answered in such glib terms. To me it's just more hype, more talking by people paid to talk.
Of course, once the Patriots lost the Super Bowl (and bravo for calling that, Gobe, you bastard), all talk of "the greatest team ever" evaporated. Now "18-1" is the new mantra of the anti-Patriots fans. Does that loss diminish the greatness of the 2007 Patriots. Of course. But I don't think it diminishes it that much. Objectively speaking the 2007 Patriots were ONE OF the best teams ever. That is not and should not be in question. They broke a number of records on their way to an 18-1 season, which by the way is the best record in the NFL. Tom Brady and Randy Moss were an offensive duo the likes of which have not been seen since the days of Montana and Rice.
In the end, however, all anyone is going to be able to talk about is the loss in the Super Bowl. Is it significant? Of course. No team wants to lose the Super Bowl, especially if they were undefeated up until that point. But here's my answer to those who are gloating about the Patriots loss: call me when your team goes undefeated into the Super Bowl. I honestly doubt that we're going to see that again for at least another decade, maybe longer.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Who in the Jolinko crowd (or their partner) will be the next to get pregnant?
A: Bill, I'm going to put this question in the same category as the "who's the next to get married" question that you asked a year or so ago. As with that question, I'm going to punt. Both the decision to attempt to have children and the act of conception itself are very personal things in one's life. If I were to guess who is the next to get pregnant, I would be speculating about those very personal things in my friends' lives. I'm not going to do that. What you all do when you're not reading Jolinko is none of my business, and it would be wrong of me to speculate.
Sorry for not answering your question, Bill. Try again this week and I'll see what I can do for you.
A: I've never heard of a team called "The Still". As far as I know, no sports franchise in any major market is called "The Still", so I don't think they could be considered the greatest team ever. I mean, they have just as much right to be considered the greatest team ever if they exist but...
Oh, wait, that was a typo? Sorry, my bad.
During the ramp-up to the Super Bowl, many sports pundits were speaking of the 2007 Patriots as the greatest team ever. I will admit that I was one of those who was boasting about the greatness of my team. It was natural. I was proud, happy, and a cocky son of a bitch. Now, did I ever think during that time that the Patriots were the greatest team ever? Honestly? No. And not because the Patriots were not great. But "the greatest team ever" is too subjective of a question to be answered in such glib terms. To me it's just more hype, more talking by people paid to talk.
Of course, once the Patriots lost the Super Bowl (and bravo for calling that, Gobe, you bastard), all talk of "the greatest team ever" evaporated. Now "18-1" is the new mantra of the anti-Patriots fans. Does that loss diminish the greatness of the 2007 Patriots. Of course. But I don't think it diminishes it that much. Objectively speaking the 2007 Patriots were ONE OF the best teams ever. That is not and should not be in question. They broke a number of records on their way to an 18-1 season, which by the way is the best record in the NFL. Tom Brady and Randy Moss were an offensive duo the likes of which have not been seen since the days of Montana and Rice.
In the end, however, all anyone is going to be able to talk about is the loss in the Super Bowl. Is it significant? Of course. No team wants to lose the Super Bowl, especially if they were undefeated up until that point. But here's my answer to those who are gloating about the Patriots loss: call me when your team goes undefeated into the Super Bowl. I honestly doubt that we're going to see that again for at least another decade, maybe longer.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Who in the Jolinko crowd (or their partner) will be the next to get pregnant?
A: Bill, I'm going to put this question in the same category as the "who's the next to get married" question that you asked a year or so ago. As with that question, I'm going to punt. Both the decision to attempt to have children and the act of conception itself are very personal things in one's life. If I were to guess who is the next to get pregnant, I would be speculating about those very personal things in my friends' lives. I'm not going to do that. What you all do when you're not reading Jolinko is none of my business, and it would be wrong of me to speculate.
Sorry for not answering your question, Bill. Try again this week and I'll see what I can do for you.
Monday, January 28, 2008
28 - Answer(s)
Because we all need a bit of levity on a Monday morning, here is the latest batch of answers.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Do YOU think it's Cayuga's waters?
A: Before answering this I should explain the origin of this question in case anyone doesn’t know. The wording of the question comes from the first verse of one alternate set of lyrics to Cornell’s fight song, which are as follows:
High above Cayuga’s waters
There’s an awful smell
Some say it’s Cayuga’s waters
We say it’s Cornell!
While I was at Clarkson the only exposure I had to Ithaca was through Cornell. While attending hockey games in Lynah Rink, I was exposed to the smell of several thousand Cornell students. I don’t remember it being that bad, but then again I was more focused on playing my snare drum, responding to taunts, and trying to prevent the band from being kicked out of the arena (sometimes all at once).
In the years since I graduated from Clarkson I’ve visited Ithaca many times. My sister attended Ithaca College and I visited her several times while she was there. Charlie and Serena moved to Ithaca, and likewise I’ve visited them many times. My band has also played two shows in Ithaca. In all of those visits, however, I’ve only been close to Cayuga Lake a couple of times. And those times were more than enough to convince me that contrary to our musical assertions, it is in fact Cayuga’s waters. I suppose that if the entire population of Cornell were to forgo personal hygiene for an extended period of time they might compete with Cayuga. Personally I hope it never happens.
Q: Eric Democko - Which Digital SLR should I buy?: Nikon D40X or Canon EOS 400D / Digital Rebel XTi?
A: Since this question involves the investment of a substantial amount of money, as well as a good deal of personal taste, I’m going to punt on this question. I bought my first and only digital camera in July of 2001, and I haven’t done any substantial research since then. I read articles and look occasionally, but I haven’t seriously considered a digital camera in over six years, so I’m really not qualified to answer.
But what I can do is help out a little. I’m sure you’ve been doing research on both of these cameras, but let me provide links from two of my favorite review sites:
Nikon D40X:
Steve's Digicams
DCResource
Cannon Digital Rebel XTi:
Steve's Digicams
DCResource
I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, Eric. Good luck in your decision, and let me know what you and Alicia end up getting.
Q: Eric Democko - What kind of bear is best?
A: Given the vague nature of this question I’m going to throw as wide a net as possible and discuss as many bears as I can think of in the next few minutes. Partly this is because I really don’t know what you mean by “bear”, but it’s mostly because I want to inject some humor into this entry.
Bear (animal): A bear is a large mammal, weighing between a few pounds and several hundred pounds. There are eight species of bear, living in both the northern and southern hemispheres. They are mostly omnivorous, surviving on a wide variety of foods depending on their habitat. Bears in North America tend to hibernate in the winter.
Bear (person): In the past this term was used to describe a large, strong man, as in “Macho Man Randy Savage is a bear of a man.” In more recent years, however, this term has come to mean a large, hairy homosexual man. The term is not meant to be derogatory, but rather a statement of pride. Now, as I’ve stated in past answers, I am not a homosexual man. However if I were I would not be attracted to large, hairy men. And no, I’m not going to further speculate as to what kind of men I’d be attracted to.
Huggy Bear: This is a character from the TV series Starsky and Hutch. He was their contact with the criminal element, and was usually seen dressed up like a pimp. In the recent movie re-make he was played by Snoop Dogg, who appeared to enjoy playing the role.
Yogi Bear: A fictional bear featured in a series of cartoons in the early 1960’s. He lived in Jellystone National Park, and spent his days plotting the theft of tourists’ picnic baskets. He had a friend named Boo Boo, and his nemesis was a park ranger named Ranger Smith.
Teddy Bear: A stuffed doll in the shape of an animal bear. These come in all shapes and sizes, and are a common possession of young children. A child will stereotypically take his or her teddy bear everywhere, and sleep cuddled next to it at night. I had one when I was little, and have it still to this day (though I don’t cuddle with it anymore). I also have several that have been given to me as gifts, and have given many in return.
So which of the kinds of bears I have mentioned is the best? That’s not easy to say. For you I would recommend a teddy bear, given the forthcoming addition to your family. For myself, I prefer the animal. Of the kinds of bears in the animal kingdom, I've always been a fan of the black bear since it is the mascot of the University of Maine, where my parents met. I also share the fascination that most people have with panda bears, both due to their scarcity and their uniqueness.
Q: Brad Pettengill - Speaking of cameras, how long unti Nikon releases a D80x?
A: Presuming that they do in fact release a D80x (and I haven’t been able to find any solid information that they have plans to), my guess is that they will do so by March of 2008. This is ONLY a guess. There is a lot of speculation on the internet about this subject, and no one seems to know anything solid. And that includes me.
Q: Karyn Graves - How should we all stay in touch next time Jolinko goes down and doesn't come back?
A: I actually wanted to answer this question before Jolinko did go down again. Unfortunately we were struck two weeks ago by the Greatly Irritating Jolinko Outage Experience (GIJOE) of 2008. Now that it’s back I think that this question deserves more attention than ever.
The first thing to do is ask what Jolinko is. Put simply, Jolinko is a combination social networking site and message board. It allows its users to create their own pages of personal information, and provides them with the ability to store pictures. The main feature of Jolinko, however, are its groups. Each group has an unlimited number of threads that can be created by any member at any time. These threads live forever, and move to the top of a group’s page when someone posts something to that thread.
So what could replace Jolinko? There are a large number of social-networking sites available today. The one that most Jolinko regulars (myself included) drifted to during the GIJOE was Facebook. The other popular choice these days is MySpace. I personally find Facebook preferable, but I’m still not a big fan of it. It feels too busy for my tastes, trying to do a little bit too much. But if Jolinko were to go down again, I think an official Jolinko Group could be formed, or maybe the “Random Thread Replacement” group could be expanded to handle the wide variety of Jolinko.
One thing I think would be interesting would be a group blog. We could create an account on blogspot that everyone would have access to, then post whatever we wanted. There are several benefits to this. First, it’s maintained by a large organization (Google), and thus isn’t likely to disappear anytime soon. Another benefit would be the ability to create posts with tags that span boundaries. Of course, this option does not provide the social networking side of things, which is one of the appeals of Jolinko. But it is an option, and one that I think might provide for some interesting writings.
Finally, this wouldn’t be a true “Ask Mitssob” answer without some silly responses too. Here are some off the top of my head:
1. We could post messages to each other in the form of letters to the editor in major newspapers. True, this would be slow, and there’s no guarantee of our letters getting posted, but it would be a fun way to keep in touch.
2. We could pool our resources and purchase a communications satellite and the necessary equipment to use it.
3. We could hang around outside of TV shows like “Today” and hold up signs to send each other messages.
4. Two words: Carrier Pigeons.
5. We could start our own telephone service, like the Psychic Hotline.
Thanks for your questions, everyone. See you all soon.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Do YOU think it's Cayuga's waters?
A: Before answering this I should explain the origin of this question in case anyone doesn’t know. The wording of the question comes from the first verse of one alternate set of lyrics to Cornell’s fight song, which are as follows:
High above Cayuga’s waters
There’s an awful smell
Some say it’s Cayuga’s waters
We say it’s Cornell!
While I was at Clarkson the only exposure I had to Ithaca was through Cornell. While attending hockey games in Lynah Rink, I was exposed to the smell of several thousand Cornell students. I don’t remember it being that bad, but then again I was more focused on playing my snare drum, responding to taunts, and trying to prevent the band from being kicked out of the arena (sometimes all at once).
In the years since I graduated from Clarkson I’ve visited Ithaca many times. My sister attended Ithaca College and I visited her several times while she was there. Charlie and Serena moved to Ithaca, and likewise I’ve visited them many times. My band has also played two shows in Ithaca. In all of those visits, however, I’ve only been close to Cayuga Lake a couple of times. And those times were more than enough to convince me that contrary to our musical assertions, it is in fact Cayuga’s waters. I suppose that if the entire population of Cornell were to forgo personal hygiene for an extended period of time they might compete with Cayuga. Personally I hope it never happens.
Q: Eric Democko - Which Digital SLR should I buy?: Nikon D40X or Canon EOS 400D / Digital Rebel XTi?
A: Since this question involves the investment of a substantial amount of money, as well as a good deal of personal taste, I’m going to punt on this question. I bought my first and only digital camera in July of 2001, and I haven’t done any substantial research since then. I read articles and look occasionally, but I haven’t seriously considered a digital camera in over six years, so I’m really not qualified to answer.
But what I can do is help out a little. I’m sure you’ve been doing research on both of these cameras, but let me provide links from two of my favorite review sites:
Nikon D40X:
Steve's Digicams
DCResource
Cannon Digital Rebel XTi:
Steve's Digicams
DCResource
I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, Eric. Good luck in your decision, and let me know what you and Alicia end up getting.
Q: Eric Democko - What kind of bear is best?
A: Given the vague nature of this question I’m going to throw as wide a net as possible and discuss as many bears as I can think of in the next few minutes. Partly this is because I really don’t know what you mean by “bear”, but it’s mostly because I want to inject some humor into this entry.
Bear (animal): A bear is a large mammal, weighing between a few pounds and several hundred pounds. There are eight species of bear, living in both the northern and southern hemispheres. They are mostly omnivorous, surviving on a wide variety of foods depending on their habitat. Bears in North America tend to hibernate in the winter.
Bear (person): In the past this term was used to describe a large, strong man, as in “Macho Man Randy Savage is a bear of a man.” In more recent years, however, this term has come to mean a large, hairy homosexual man. The term is not meant to be derogatory, but rather a statement of pride. Now, as I’ve stated in past answers, I am not a homosexual man. However if I were I would not be attracted to large, hairy men. And no, I’m not going to further speculate as to what kind of men I’d be attracted to.
Huggy Bear: This is a character from the TV series Starsky and Hutch. He was their contact with the criminal element, and was usually seen dressed up like a pimp. In the recent movie re-make he was played by Snoop Dogg, who appeared to enjoy playing the role.
Yogi Bear: A fictional bear featured in a series of cartoons in the early 1960’s. He lived in Jellystone National Park, and spent his days plotting the theft of tourists’ picnic baskets. He had a friend named Boo Boo, and his nemesis was a park ranger named Ranger Smith.
Teddy Bear: A stuffed doll in the shape of an animal bear. These come in all shapes and sizes, and are a common possession of young children. A child will stereotypically take his or her teddy bear everywhere, and sleep cuddled next to it at night. I had one when I was little, and have it still to this day (though I don’t cuddle with it anymore). I also have several that have been given to me as gifts, and have given many in return.
So which of the kinds of bears I have mentioned is the best? That’s not easy to say. For you I would recommend a teddy bear, given the forthcoming addition to your family. For myself, I prefer the animal. Of the kinds of bears in the animal kingdom, I've always been a fan of the black bear since it is the mascot of the University of Maine, where my parents met. I also share the fascination that most people have with panda bears, both due to their scarcity and their uniqueness.
Q: Brad Pettengill - Speaking of cameras, how long unti Nikon releases a D80x?
A: Presuming that they do in fact release a D80x (and I haven’t been able to find any solid information that they have plans to), my guess is that they will do so by March of 2008. This is ONLY a guess. There is a lot of speculation on the internet about this subject, and no one seems to know anything solid. And that includes me.
Q: Karyn Graves - How should we all stay in touch next time Jolinko goes down and doesn't come back?
A: I actually wanted to answer this question before Jolinko did go down again. Unfortunately we were struck two weeks ago by the Greatly Irritating Jolinko Outage Experience (GIJOE) of 2008. Now that it’s back I think that this question deserves more attention than ever.
The first thing to do is ask what Jolinko is. Put simply, Jolinko is a combination social networking site and message board. It allows its users to create their own pages of personal information, and provides them with the ability to store pictures. The main feature of Jolinko, however, are its groups. Each group has an unlimited number of threads that can be created by any member at any time. These threads live forever, and move to the top of a group’s page when someone posts something to that thread.
So what could replace Jolinko? There are a large number of social-networking sites available today. The one that most Jolinko regulars (myself included) drifted to during the GIJOE was Facebook. The other popular choice these days is MySpace. I personally find Facebook preferable, but I’m still not a big fan of it. It feels too busy for my tastes, trying to do a little bit too much. But if Jolinko were to go down again, I think an official Jolinko Group could be formed, or maybe the “Random Thread Replacement” group could be expanded to handle the wide variety of Jolinko.
One thing I think would be interesting would be a group blog. We could create an account on blogspot that everyone would have access to, then post whatever we wanted. There are several benefits to this. First, it’s maintained by a large organization (Google), and thus isn’t likely to disappear anytime soon. Another benefit would be the ability to create posts with tags that span boundaries. Of course, this option does not provide the social networking side of things, which is one of the appeals of Jolinko. But it is an option, and one that I think might provide for some interesting writings.
Finally, this wouldn’t be a true “Ask Mitssob” answer without some silly responses too. Here are some off the top of my head:
1. We could post messages to each other in the form of letters to the editor in major newspapers. True, this would be slow, and there’s no guarantee of our letters getting posted, but it would be a fun way to keep in touch.
2. We could pool our resources and purchase a communications satellite and the necessary equipment to use it.
3. We could hang around outside of TV shows like “Today” and hold up signs to send each other messages.
4. Two words: Carrier Pigeons.
5. We could start our own telephone service, like the Psychic Hotline.
Thanks for your questions, everyone. See you all soon.
Friday, January 4, 2008
27 - Answer(s)
It’s been a long October. And November. And December. Here are the much-delayed answers to the last round of “Ask Mitssob”.
Q: Eric Democko - How will the Sabres do this year after letting Briere and Drury go?
A: I was very unhappy as I watched Briere and Drury leave the Sabres during the offseason. Briere was one of the great leaders on the team, and I think he’ll be missed the most from a team perspective. I’ll miss Chris Drury more, though, due to how emphatically announcer Rick Jennerett would yell his name after he scored a goal. “Chris DruuuUUUUUuuury!” He did it so often that fans actually spelled out “Druuuuuury” on the wall behind the rafter seats at HSBC arena.
But to answer your question, I think the Sabres will do well this year. So far they’re not living up to my expectations, however. It took them far too long to get above .500, but now that they are they look fairly strong. The outdoor game they played this past weekend was both a good exhibition for the NHL and a good hockey game in general. After the initial excitement they seemed to calm down and play a very steady game. We’ll just have to keep watching to see how they do as the season moves on.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Will the Pats go undefeated this season?
A: Because so much time has gone by since this question was asked, I think it’s only fair to include my original thoughts (written right before the Indy game):
“Yes. No doubt. Now, I’m not very good at sports prognostication (as evidenced by my baseball picks), but I have supreme confidence in this Patriots squad. Tom Brady has a squadron of the best receivers he’s ever had to work with, lead by a reborn Randy Moss. Bill Belicheck is without question the best coach in the league right now, as evidenced by the methodical destruction of every team they’ve faced this season. I don’t think another team in this league can compete with the Patriots, and yes, I’m including the Indianppolis Mannings in this discussion. This Sunday’s game will be the only game that has the possibility of being close, and I still think that the Pats will win by 21 points. The Patriots are out for blood this season, and they’re going to get it. 19-0, folks. 19-0.”
Now, I was wrong about the score of that game, but I’m right so far. The Patriots have officially gone undefeated in the regular season, something that hasn’t been done since 1972. This is an amazing feat, but unfortunately to many people it won’t mean anything unless they continue to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. I’m quite worried about this prospect. After rampaging through the league through the first half of the season, the Pats have returned to their old ways. They do just barely enough to win games, which is maddeningly frustrating.
But in the end I still think the Pats will go 19-0. As always, any money lost by betting based on my analysis is your own fault.
Q: Adam Barnello - I still want to know. Blu Ray or HDDVD?
A: First, let me hit you guys with three Wikipedia sites to get you all the background that you need.
- BlueRay
- HD DVD
- Comparison
In my mind the question can be answered from a number of different angles. Blu-Ray has an edge on the technical side, beating HD-DVD in areas like maximum bitrates and storage capacity. For normal users these differences are fairly minor, however. I suppose that if you want the “best” format then you should choose Blu-Ray. Unless you have top-of-the-line video and audio equipment, though, I doubt you’ll notice the differences.
The second consideration is the content that one wants to watch. There is a roughly even split in the big distribution companies between the two formats. For example, the TV series Lost is available on Blu-Ray, while Heroes is available in HD-DVD. If there are movies that you are just dying to see in HD, then that would be one way to make the choice.
One more factor in this equation is the user’s choice of gaming platforms. If you currently own an Xbox360 you can purchase an HD-DVD player add-on. Future versions of the Xbox360 will have the player built in. Sony included Blu-Ray in its Playstation 3 platform. Personally, I’m going to purchase a Playstation 3 when my Playstation 2 goes to that big junk heap in the sky. Therefore I’m already considering Blu-Ray as my HD format of choice.
Looking ahead, I think that the ultimate answer to this question is “yes.” Initially the wisdom was that one format would win and one would lose, but as time goes on that seems less and less likely to me. This represents a key difference between the VHS and BetaMax format war of the 80’s. Those two formats were fundamentally incompatible due to the physical differences in tapes, in addition to any other technical differences in the formats. Because of that consumers were forced to choose permanently between the two, and VHS ended up winning. With this format war it’s different. Both formats use the same sized disc, with the differences coming in the encoding of data. Because of that it’s very possible to have a player that does both. In fact, such players are already under development.
Hope this helps, and good luck with your decision.
Q: Joe Zaffarano - What's the best way to prevent blisters from drumming?
A: My favorite method is to wrap a vulnerable area with a fabric band-aid. I specifically use fabric because it feels more natural when drumming than the plastic variety. When I played in the pep band and felt a blister forming I would use electrical tape, and while it wasn’t comfortable, it did the job. To increase my comfort I would often put a small piece of a napkin over the vulnerable area, then tape over that.
A final emergency method for preventing blisters is to change the way that you hold the sticks. During a gig this summer I felt a blister forming on my right index finger in the middle of the set. I didn’t have any band-aids or tape, and even if I had I couldn’t stop for long enough to wrap my fingers. So I changed the way I held the stick in my right hand. Rather than holding the stick between my index finger and thumb, I put it between my index and middle fingers and used my thumb to steady it.
The last way I can think of is to wear gloves. I have never worn gloves while drumming, so I can’t say how well it works. I suppose it would work pretty well, though. You’re removing the primary cause of the blister, namely the stick rubbing against the skin directly. On the other hand you’re losing some of the feel of the stick when you do that.
Q: Eric Democko - How will the Sabres do this year after letting Briere and Drury go?
A: I was very unhappy as I watched Briere and Drury leave the Sabres during the offseason. Briere was one of the great leaders on the team, and I think he’ll be missed the most from a team perspective. I’ll miss Chris Drury more, though, due to how emphatically announcer Rick Jennerett would yell his name after he scored a goal. “Chris DruuuUUUUUuuury!” He did it so often that fans actually spelled out “Druuuuuury” on the wall behind the rafter seats at HSBC arena.
But to answer your question, I think the Sabres will do well this year. So far they’re not living up to my expectations, however. It took them far too long to get above .500, but now that they are they look fairly strong. The outdoor game they played this past weekend was both a good exhibition for the NHL and a good hockey game in general. After the initial excitement they seemed to calm down and play a very steady game. We’ll just have to keep watching to see how they do as the season moves on.
Q: Bill Jeffers - Will the Pats go undefeated this season?
A: Because so much time has gone by since this question was asked, I think it’s only fair to include my original thoughts (written right before the Indy game):
“Yes. No doubt. Now, I’m not very good at sports prognostication (as evidenced by my baseball picks), but I have supreme confidence in this Patriots squad. Tom Brady has a squadron of the best receivers he’s ever had to work with, lead by a reborn Randy Moss. Bill Belicheck is without question the best coach in the league right now, as evidenced by the methodical destruction of every team they’ve faced this season. I don’t think another team in this league can compete with the Patriots, and yes, I’m including the Indianppolis Mannings in this discussion. This Sunday’s game will be the only game that has the possibility of being close, and I still think that the Pats will win by 21 points. The Patriots are out for blood this season, and they’re going to get it. 19-0, folks. 19-0.”
Now, I was wrong about the score of that game, but I’m right so far. The Patriots have officially gone undefeated in the regular season, something that hasn’t been done since 1972. This is an amazing feat, but unfortunately to many people it won’t mean anything unless they continue to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. I’m quite worried about this prospect. After rampaging through the league through the first half of the season, the Pats have returned to their old ways. They do just barely enough to win games, which is maddeningly frustrating.
But in the end I still think the Pats will go 19-0. As always, any money lost by betting based on my analysis is your own fault.
Q: Adam Barnello - I still want to know. Blu Ray or HDDVD?
A: First, let me hit you guys with three Wikipedia sites to get you all the background that you need.
- BlueRay
- HD DVD
- Comparison
In my mind the question can be answered from a number of different angles. Blu-Ray has an edge on the technical side, beating HD-DVD in areas like maximum bitrates and storage capacity. For normal users these differences are fairly minor, however. I suppose that if you want the “best” format then you should choose Blu-Ray. Unless you have top-of-the-line video and audio equipment, though, I doubt you’ll notice the differences.
The second consideration is the content that one wants to watch. There is a roughly even split in the big distribution companies between the two formats. For example, the TV series Lost is available on Blu-Ray, while Heroes is available in HD-DVD. If there are movies that you are just dying to see in HD, then that would be one way to make the choice.
One more factor in this equation is the user’s choice of gaming platforms. If you currently own an Xbox360 you can purchase an HD-DVD player add-on. Future versions of the Xbox360 will have the player built in. Sony included Blu-Ray in its Playstation 3 platform. Personally, I’m going to purchase a Playstation 3 when my Playstation 2 goes to that big junk heap in the sky. Therefore I’m already considering Blu-Ray as my HD format of choice.
Looking ahead, I think that the ultimate answer to this question is “yes.” Initially the wisdom was that one format would win and one would lose, but as time goes on that seems less and less likely to me. This represents a key difference between the VHS and BetaMax format war of the 80’s. Those two formats were fundamentally incompatible due to the physical differences in tapes, in addition to any other technical differences in the formats. Because of that consumers were forced to choose permanently between the two, and VHS ended up winning. With this format war it’s different. Both formats use the same sized disc, with the differences coming in the encoding of data. Because of that it’s very possible to have a player that does both. In fact, such players are already under development.
Hope this helps, and good luck with your decision.
Q: Joe Zaffarano - What's the best way to prevent blisters from drumming?
A: My favorite method is to wrap a vulnerable area with a fabric band-aid. I specifically use fabric because it feels more natural when drumming than the plastic variety. When I played in the pep band and felt a blister forming I would use electrical tape, and while it wasn’t comfortable, it did the job. To increase my comfort I would often put a small piece of a napkin over the vulnerable area, then tape over that.
A final emergency method for preventing blisters is to change the way that you hold the sticks. During a gig this summer I felt a blister forming on my right index finger in the middle of the set. I didn’t have any band-aids or tape, and even if I had I couldn’t stop for long enough to wrap my fingers. So I changed the way I held the stick in my right hand. Rather than holding the stick between my index finger and thumb, I put it between my index and middle fingers and used my thumb to steady it.
The last way I can think of is to wear gloves. I have never worn gloves while drumming, so I can’t say how well it works. I suppose it would work pretty well, though. You’re removing the primary cause of the blister, namely the stick rubbing against the skin directly. On the other hand you’re losing some of the feel of the stick when you do that.
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